When betches go out to group dinners, there’s a limited choice of cuisines that are appropriate. Italian food has too many carbs, Chinese food is too greasy, and if you’re considering eating Indian food with your besties you’re clearly a virgin or like planning to spend your night on the toilet. Inevitably the choice comes down to the place with your favorite salad or one of the only types of cuisine we don’t have to consider regurgitating after: sushi.
This is our first post about food, and since not eating is a fundamental part of being a betch, you understand the true value sushi has for us.
Sushi is the wine of food. It’s a way of life. Let’s break it down.
Low Cal: Every betch can recall a horrible incident when they went to dinner, ate too much, and had an awful experience clubbing after. They felt bloated and fat and had to drink like 3 more vodka tonics than they usually do to get fucked up. Ordering a naruto roll and a miso soup is the best way to avoid this issue. It’s enough food so that you probably won’t be throwing up all over your guy friend’s table, but not so much that you feel guilty for eating dinner later.
Note: Sushi is the only excuse to eat mayo. Betches only eat fancy mayonnaise, like truffle mayo and spicy mayo. Hellmann’s is for hicks.
Super Chic: If you don’t like sushi you definitely don’t have any class or sense of fun, so you can go eat at Arby’s with my housekeeper. Sushi is classy and has names that are hard to pronounce. While super trendy betches order the complex rolls, like the Shogun or the Pink Lady and shit like sashimi, if you want to roll with any set of betches you would at least have to down a fucking Spicy tuna or Salmon skin roll in order to show your face at the next group dinner.
Expensive: Sushi involves getting a small amount of food for a lot of fucking money, so betches obviously love it because by nature it excludes poor people. You don’t often find a quality Red Dragon roll at soup kitchens and at local eateries in the projects.
So this week, go sake bombing with your besties, get drunk, and indulge your taste buds. After all, it’s your only real excuse to drink beer. And always remember that you’re only as trendy as the restaurant you claim has the best sushi in town.