Real World Roundup: Vodka Eyeballing or Die

This 18 year old beat out 8,000 people as the most objectively beautiful girl in London. She has almost perfectly symmetrical proportions and like, blonde hair. Okay, so like she�s pretty but with a little eyeliner she might actually be hot. But like seriously fuck this bitch, trying to make us feel bad about our #101 makeup. Read article >

So a judge ruled that your #39 Twitter can be subpoenaed for evidence in a law trial. Guess this means that you should watch it when executing your twitter wars as most in the judicial community might frown upon your tweet that “lawyers r so poor #InvestmentBankersOrDie” Read article >

In an unsurprising twist of events, some SNL producer once told Elaine from Seinfeld that a lot more NBC producers wanted to fuck her when she blew her hair out. Yeah, no shit, Jules. If we didn't understand the secret to cracking the “mystery” of why no one wants to have sex with girls with large curly hair we wouldn't have been burning our hair off with straightening irons since we were 12 years old. Read article >

news granolaI'm sorry for telling everyone you love granola. And I'm sorry for repeating it now.

In an interesting display of #17 Lucky Sperm Club members who can barely read getting jobs they are not qualified for, Kylie and Kendall Jenner are going to have a fashion column in Seventeen Magazine. Reportedly, Kylie's first column features advice on how to get that “sex-tape -chic” style her sister sported a few years ago while Kendall is going to inform young tweens on the merits of picking the perfect Sex Shop on Melrose to seduce your NBA star husband. TG! We were wondering where to “get that look”! Read article >


Apparently producers were so impressed with Lindzlo”s performance on SNL that she's now been upgraded to a real live acting gig! Lindsay has been confirmed to play Elizabeth Taylor in the made for TV movie, Liz & Dick. This is a sequel to her unreleased smash hit, Lindsay loves Dick: Fully Loaded. Betches love this made for TV movie. Anyone? Anyone? Read article >

When fro-yo goes wrong. Some sororislut from the University of Colorado accidentally spilled her yogurt all over the leader of the free world on Tuesday. That's what she gets for putting on excessive calorific toppings like granola and fruit. Obama is said to be more distressed over the fact that this girl not doing her part on the war on obesity rather than his soiled pants. In a reply to the press he stated “That bitch better watch herself. These were hand tailored in Milan.Read article >

Bad news for those of us like me who like to fry the shit out of our skin in the sun for hours on end and then apply some Jurlique special post sun moisturizers to our faces at $100 a tube: this shit apparently doesn”t really do anything. We kind of knew that anyway. But hey, how else are we going to show everyone that we have more money than them if not by using really expensive lotion that no one even sees? Read article >

Woman dies from coke addiction, not the kind you think. Some retarded-yet-interestingly-not-that-fat bitch died from complications due to drinking two gallons of regular coke a day for like some insane period of time. More evidence for Diet Coke Forever. Read article >


news beautiful womanMake sure you bring this pic to your plastic surgeons office.

The Huffington post claims”wait for it”cocaine is bad for you! Thanks for the enlightenment, geniuses. Apparently it makes your brain age faster which probably could explain why I originally typed this sentence as “makes your age brain faster.” In another display of wild stupidity, HuffPo clearly had some nice girl investigatory journalists do some research on cocaine prices across the globe to create a special kind of slideshow. $120 a gram in #63 America?! Yeah fucking right that's true unless your dealer is Nancy Reagan. And seriously, HuffPo? No one cares about the most expensive places, you should be focusing on where to get the best deals. Read article >


Vodka eyeballing is the biggest thing to hit Britain since earl gray tea. The process involves someone holding your eye open while another person pours vodka into your eye, getting you mad schwasted. In another shocking revelation, apparently this shit isn't good for your eyes. In fact it's like, pretty painful. This certainly gives literal meaning to the notion of taking shots 'to the face'. Just more evidence of the high intelligence of teens across the globe who, despite their most intense hopes, found that vodka contact lenses do not quite provide the enhanced vision they were promised. Read article >


Best from Shop Betches