Dear Betch…

Dear Betch,

I need some serious help. When I was a senior in high school I thought it would be super artsy and cool of me to go to an elite art school. Well it fucking blows, I'm not even kidding the kids are total freaks and all the boys are gay! It works for my advantage most of the time, but they don't even appreciate how fucking amazing I am so I have to get the hell out of here.

So I'm transferring out.. DUH. The only problem is I am freaking out for rush. Like I need to make fb 'rush appropriate' and find the betchiest propic and cover pic (fucking timeline). All my tagged pics have to be perfect. To show that I love vodka or not? I also have to send them a picture of me.. like what do I even send?! A senior pic taken by a pro? Or a super cute pic of me showing off my impeccable taste in designer clothing? SUPER stressed.

Help your little artsy betch.


Too Cool for This School

Dear Too Cool for This School,

A real betch doesn't have to manipulate her facebook to show that she's cool and fun. Her facebook already looks like that because she's actually cool and fun.

If you have to be deleting pictures, rearranging shit, and deleting posts from your Art School freak friends, it's never going to happen. Being a betch is about not caring what other poeple think and asking us how to manipulate your social media so people will like you more reeks of TTH. This will in turn make people not like you. It's a vicious cycle and it stops now.

Don't change shit on your facebook. These girls will either like you or they can go fuck themselves. As for what picture to send them it's really simple. One where you look hot and aren't wearing something that resembles your grandma's drapes. Don't over think it. Just be your true self. If your true self sucks, everyone will see it eventually anyway so save yourself and everyone else some time and stop scheming about how to seem like you're cool and actually be cool.


The Betches ____________________________________________________

Dear Betches

I usually don't give a mother fuhh about guys and just play them like fiddles but I recently found someone I finally really like. We are super similar and we actually have a lot of fun together. He's “never had a serious girlfriend” an always explains how he “never does this, its all knew to him.” After expressing how much he likes me for the past three months its time for him to go back home for the summer. I have three days to figure out what to do because he's said to me before how it sucks he wont see me for three months…….. yet we live three hrs away.

This dude also said how long distance didn't work for him last year but the slut was lived over 8 hrs away. I'm not one to get tied down but I actually like this bro. I tried explaing how we don't live far away but then I stopped talking about it like a dumb bitch because I figured if this bro likes me he would want to see me.

Should I just say on to the next or try to show him it can work?


I'm worth it

Dear I'm Worth It,

As a betch, you don't need to show anyone you're worth it. This should just be apparent and this guy should be so scared of potentially losing you due to three months in your absence that he'll vow to make weekly trips to come visit you. Guys who express how much they like you don't mean shit. Guys who do shit to show you how much they like you are the ones that actually like you.

Ever read a letter from a bro at war? Ever actually seen a guy who was really into a girl? People do crazy shit for people they like and if this bro can't even hop in his car and take a mini road trip once or twice, he's probably not that into you. Being that he hasn't expressed an interest in seeing you, you should try and care less about him. It sounds like he's either looking for a polite way to faze things out with you or is simply not into you enough to even go out of his way a little bit to have sex with you.

It's time to severely back off. If he's into you, he'll come around physically and show his commitment. If not you should look to be single for the summer. This guy sounds like he has the staying power of a Malibu Bay Breeze.


The Betches


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