Dear Betch…

Dear Betch,

I broke my wrist while #blackingout and my cast is vom and so not betchy. #partyfoul much? What do i do? Sorry for partying

Crippled in college

Dear Crippled In College,

A true betch doesn't let shit like broken limbs, lyme disease, chicken pox, or even cancer get in the way of her lifestyle. I mean, we had a bestie abroad who was in a wheelchair for the semester after skiing in Interlaken and she managed to rage while allowing various bros to hold her crutches for her. No excuses. Play like a betch.

Definitely take advantage of this to let people write cool things on your arm but don't let anyone draw pictures of dicks on your cast when you blackout in your bestie's apartment.


The Betches

P.S. -5 for improper use of hash tags. ______________________

Dear Betch,

So I have had a crush on this guy for what has seemed like forever and my roommate/”friend” is well aware and would always tell me to go for it. I was hanging out with the guy and he told me he liked my roommate. My problem was I was so caught off guard I couldn't describe how she is psycho but just say ok. Anyways he must of told her and even with her knowing my feelings she is sneaking around with him. How do I make it clear that her lack of personality needs a reassessment.


Roomie Revenge

Dear Roomie Revenge,

First of all, you never hooked up with this guy so you don't have dibs on him. Just because you like a guy doesn't mean no one else is allowed to like him and hook up with him. I have a huge crush on Daniel from Revenge but that doesn't mean that he's into me or that I can claim him. See the difference between the two of us here? One of us is delusional and the other one is me.

He's clearly not into you because if he was he'd be hooking up with you and not your roommate. While it's kind of fucked up of her to be shady about it, it's sad and pathetic of you to try to get revenge on a girl because a guy that you never dated likes her more than you. That makes you crazy. Our advice is to move on, call your roommate out for being shady but at the same time let her know you're okay with it because you should be. Why would you want to hook up with a guy who would rather hook up with your friend?

Time to spend your time making yourself look hotter so guys will stop trying to fuck other girls instead of you. Revenge takes too much effort and betches don't give a shit, remember?


The Betches


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