121. Casual

Another lesson in betchy linguistics:

Casual is one of those words you hear everyday, be it from parents “How are you so casual about not getting a job?!” or your rush chair, “no Uggs or curly hair tomorrow, attire is Business Casual,” everyone says it, but not everyone uses it like a betch. When betches describe something as 'casual,' the situation is usually one that is the exact opposite of casual. Therefore using it this way gives us an outlet to be funny whilst demonstrating our profound appreciation for irony. For instance, showing up on Casual Friday in your jeans and a button down is not casual, however showing up in your prom dress is sooooo casual.


mischa bartonHi I'm Mischa and I'm casually disgusting


If you don't know what we're talking about, you're a fucking idiot. But since we're in the business of tolerating idiots (see comment section and the inventors of Pepsi One), we're here to help.

When to use casual:

When meeting your friend at the Gansevoort: “Just say Melissa's name at the door, her dad owns the building” that's casual.

When asking Julie how her night was: “Oh it was really fun until I casually got hit by a car” Being that she's still alive, we can easily drop in 'casual'…

When asking your friend why she's especially angry today, like she's about to punch you: “Oh I missed a lot of days of birth control, so I casually took 4…”

Sidenote: It might be deemed #24 Insensitive to remark that someone, “casually died” or that there's “casually a genocide going on in Nigeria.”

The word is also perfect to use while muploading. Like when you're trying to come up with a witty caption but are having writers block, casual is the go-to. Took a pic of a co-worker who showed up to work in high top converses and corduroy overalls? Slap on a “casual', and you've suddenly transformed from a boring captionless muploading loser to a hilarious betch on Chelsea's roundtable.


sjp footCasual Google image search for “casual”


Hold on, we need to take a second to set one thing straight. Have you and your besties ever been in a heated debate as to the proper way to abbreviate the word casual? Well, we're here to give you the answer to this pressing question, after all – it is our language. The abbrev is 'cajjy.' Obvi it looks fucking weird, almost like a spicy Jamaican side dish, but it's really the only way. Otherwise you're describing ironic situations by saying they have a lot of cash, which makes zero sense. I saw Ed Westwick at this club last night. We cashy hung out all night. See, it doesn't work.

Also, never be that “literal girl.” As in you say shit like, “Omggg I'm casually wearing that pajama shirt from Victoria's Secret to bed tonight, lollzzz.” If your friend texts you a variation of this, tell her to shut the fuck up. Yeah, no shit, why wouldn't you be dressing casually to bed? The only time it's betchy casual to wear pajamas to sleep is on a Saturday night after blacking out. Everyone knows that the normal way to pass out on a Sat is in our outfit from the night while clutching your iPhone and/or your heels.

So for all of you people who use casual as it's supposed to be used in conversation, you're casually a huge weirdo. Any true betch knows that it's not cool to use words by their actual definition. Miriam Webster was a nice girl, fucking duh.

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