Let’s have a moment of silence for all the hookups that can’t happen right now due to social distancing orders…. andddd now let’s move on. If you’re single, thirsty, bored, and stuck inside without anyone to bang hang with at the moment, then you’re well aware by now that the struggle is real AF. But there’s good news! You’ve got the solution right at your fingertips… literally. There are just about a million solo sex toys on the market (not an official figure), and we have nothing but time (to try them all out).
“Masturbation is not only pleasurable, [but] it’s also extraordinarily healthy and one of the safest ways to boost a positive connection to self while reducing stress and supporting overall health and well-being, which is exactly what we need during this quarantine,” says Megwyn White, somatic sensuality guide and director of education at Satisfyer, a pleasure product company. “So next time you feel stressed, under the weather, or can’t sleep, try a little self-love. It can make a real difference in shifting your state and giving your body the boost it needs.” Say no more, sis. Here are some of the best solo sex toys you need to try during isolation that won’t break your bank and will give you that ~release~ you’ve been desperately craving.
1. Zumio X
If you thrive on strong vibrations, then you gotta get a Zumio. This thing is POWERFUL but also super quiet, which is perfect if you’re quarantined with family or roommates right now. It also has a trademarked tip called the SpiroTip that rotates in super small circles for hyper-pinpointed action. It feels ah-mazing.
2. Honey Birdette Taurus
I recently tried the Taurus because I’m a newfound wand vibrator fan. Trust me, a sex toy-loving Scorpio: You need this wand. It comes in black or purple, offers five different (strong) intensities, and is 100% waterproof. It’s the perfect thing to spice up the showers you’ve only been taking twice a week. Nope, just me? K, moving right along.
3. The Chickie Emojibator
Yes, this is a sex toy shaped like a baby chick. Yes, it looks just like the emoji. And it’s actually f*cking awesome. With eight vibration settings and eight more suction settings, your clit is getting allllll the love it wants and needs with this body-safe silicone chickie. The Emojibator brand also sells chili pepper and eggplant emoji vibes. Do with that info as you will.
4. Le Wand Bow
Okay, first off let’s mention how sleek and sexy stainless steel sex toys are. Now, let’s talk about how amazing Le Wand’s Bow is. If you love internal play, the Bow is specifically designed to curve toward the G-spot or P-spot areas for maximum penetrative pleasure. It’s even ribbed for added sensation. Bonus: You can also throw it in the fridge to experiment with temperature play. You’re welcome.
5. CalExotics California Dreaming Malibu Minx
Do you like penetrative toys? What about clit suction toys? What would you say if I told you there’s a brand out there that combined those two into one magical product? Yup. CalExotics created a penetrating, clit sucking vibrator that will rock. your. world. The Malibu Minx has 10 different vibration patterns and three vibrating speeds to rotate and enjoy. Oh, and did I mention this thing is also waterproof? It’s basically the whole package.
6. Satisfyer Pro 2
White says this device is a brand best-seller and ideal for solo stimulation. Why? Because “it uses Satisfyer’s proprietary Air-Pulse Technology and mimics the sensations of oral sex through pressure waves which activate the sensitive 8,000 nerve endings of the clitoral glans.” That sounds super science-y and official, so let me just say that I’ve used it and can confirm that it definitely stimulates those nerve endings. 10/10 would recommend (which is why it’s on this list).
7. Satisfyer Strengthening Balls
I know what you’re thinking. Kegel balls??? Yep. According to White, “wearing the love beads for about 15 minutes a day trains your pelvic floor muscles, the muscles that enable you to experience breathtaking orgasms.” And what better time to start training than now in quarantine, amiright? Upon insertion, here’s her advice on how to use it: “Inhale deeply to expand the lower abdomen, and then slowly exhale as you concentrate on contracting the muscles of the vaginal canal, and then release allowing orgasmic energy to ripen within the body. Be mindful to focus on the deeper muscles and not to grip the glutes or abdomen.” She also recommends using this with the Pro 2 (above) to achieve a ~blended orgasm.~
8. Snug Plugs
Maybe you want to start exploring butt stuff during the quarantine. If you haven’t ventured into anal territory yet, but(t) you’re curious about how it feels and what it’s like, train yourself with some colorful weighted Snug Plugs. They come in four different sizes so you can size up or down as necessary. Because if you aren’t learning a new skill with all this free time, what have you really been doing with your time? (JK, I’ve been lazy AF and haven’t learned any new skills.)
9. Lovehoney Gyr8tor
I tested this thing out at sex camp last year, and it’s WILD. This pleasure product is futuristic AF… like, it literally gyrates. WTF is gyration? This thing spins around in circles and dances to the beat of its own rhythm with 12 (!!) different settings inside your vagina, and it feels like no other toy you’ve tried before. I promise.
Image: Stas Svechnikov / Unsplash; Amazon (2); Lovehoney; Babeland; Satisfyer (2); Le Wand Massager; Emojibator; Honey Birdette
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