On Tuesday, Apple had their annual event where they talk a lot about how they’re the most amazing company ever, and then they unveil a new iPhone that makes the tech world collectively jizz their pants. This year didn’t disappoint. After they spent like 30 minutes talking about how their stores are actually called “town squares” now (barf), they got to the goods: the iPhone X. And it’s beautiful. Here’s what you need to know about the latest offering from Steve Jobs’ ghost the Apple team.
1. X as in 10
In case you were confused, it’s pronounced “iPhone 10.” Apple is obviously too classy for, like, double digit numbers and counting in order, so they went with a Roman numeral. So thanks to that one random teacher in fifth grade who said we would need to know Roman numerals, now we’re finally putting our education to use.
2. The Screen
With the new iPhone, Apple got rid of that pesky home button and extended the screen so it’s edge-to-edge across the entire front. While you’ll have to get used to doing things without a button, now you have more surface area to admire your selfies and stalk potential bros. It’s, like, really pretty.
iPhone X Diary: First impressions from the keynote don’t wow me, but do impress https://t.co/MkUEpWwnyu pic.twitter.com/IDII7H1sMD
— 9to5Mac (@9to5mac) September 13, 2017
3. Selfie Camera Upgrade
The old iPhone selfie camera isn’t terrible, but it’s also highly questionable sometimes, and Apple is here to help in your quest to become a social media thirst trap. The new selfie camera comes with portrait mode, the standout feature from the iPhone 7 that lets you take everything from LinkedIn photos to artistically blurred nudes. This is major, guys, and we are so thankful.
4. Face ID
If scanning your fingerprint was starting to feel really 2014, Apple agreed with you. With the removal of the home button/fingerprint scanner, they had to come up with something new to unlock your phone, and they settled on facial recognition. This shit is supposed to be like 10 times more secure than the fingerprint, so your important documents (screenshots that could end relationships/careers/lives) are safer than ever.
5. Talking Emojis
We’re not sure if this sounds like fun or our worst nightmare. Using the facial recognition software, Apple also animated some popular emojis, so you can record yourself and it literally turns you into the emoji. Technology is out here saving lives and making the world a better place every damn day, shit is crazy. Nothing will get a boy to respond to you like a stern message from a talking chicken, right?
6. Glass And Shit
The new iPhone has glass on the front and the back, which sounds like a recipe for drunken disaster, but Apple assures us that it’s the most durable glass ever used on a phone. We all have at least one train wreck friend who will really put that to the test. The phone is also water and dust resistant like the 7, so toilets still aren’t an issue, thank god.
7. Wireless Charging
The new iPhone is the first to have wireless charging capability, where you can just set it down on a special mat and it just does its thing. This sounds cool, but what will we do without seven different charging cords on every side of our bed? It’s going to take some getting used to, but change is good.
8. iOS 11
The new version of iOS is available for everyone next week, and it’s a nice upgrade from last year’s edition. Everything just looks cleaner, and there’s a really nice change to control center that lets you customize what you want easy access to. Ugh, why do we like this company so much.
