8 Healthy Smoothies That Won’t Make You Vom

Smoothies and juices are always going to be a top tier food item in the pyramid de betch. Like, how else are we expected to get all of our servings of vegetables and fruits before noon? Unfortunately, if you’re stopping at a smoothie place or grabbing one at the store, it’s probs full of added sugar, weird tasting protein powder, and questionable combos which taste like you licked the underside of a trash can. Even if it’s in the pursuit of being skinny, we can’t get past the gag factor. We’re here to guide you through the produce section and supermarket so you can low-key become master of the store-bought smoothies.

1. Aloha Daily Good Greens

Packaged as a pouch, you can either add this powder to yogurt and ice or just go the water route. It’s made from enoki mushroom, wild blueberries, and 14 additional super foods so you know that shit is good. PLUS, it only has about 35 calories per pouch, so you have plenty of room to add other shit to it. (But like, you probs shouldn’t.)

2. Tio Gazpacho

If you’re not into the whole sweet smoothie thing, grab a savory gazpacho combining tomatoes, onions, peppers, and other salsa-worthy ingredients. At only 100 calories, you literally can’t afford NOT to drink this shit.

3. McDonald’s Wild Berry Smoothie

Stay with me here. At about 210 calories, it’s a bit more than we want to choke down, but the yummy factor and the fact that it’s full of fresh berries make it worth it. If you must go to McDonald’s, grab this to keep you from hand-palming a burger into your face hole.

4. The Juice Generation Hemp Protein Milk

If you just finished an especially punishing cycling sesh, grab this shit at the nearest Whole Foods. Along with 12 grams of protein, it’s only made with vanilla bean, water, hemp, and dates. At 290 calories treat this shit like a meal replacement. Upside is that it only has 9 grams of sugar, so you won’t be crashing later.

5. Evolution Fresh Defense Up

I mean, it’s a combination of orange, pineapple, and mango, so if you wanted to add a lil’ Malibu we totally won’t tell. Plus, it has no artificial sweetners and you get a shit ton of vitamin C, which will make your skin hella amazing.

6. Suja Sweet Beets

If you’re into the whole green juice and veggie thing, try this mix of beets, carrots, apples, and oranges. It’s a tiny bit spicy, sorta savory, and sorta sweet. Plus it has tons of vitamins and antioxidants which will def help if you’re driving the struggle bus after a weekend of fried food and pizza.

7. Savse Super Purple Smoothie

Found mostly in Europe and places not ruled by a toddler with a combover, this bottled bev has only 188 calories and about 35 grams of sugar. The Super Purple is loaded with beets, avocados, and fruit, so you get a one-two punch of healthy fats, vitamins, and natural fruit sugar to take the vegetal taste down a notch.

8. Your Own

Literally, your best bet for a healthy, non-gag-inducing smoothie is to make your own. We recommend our fav combo of bananas, peanut butter, non-fat Greek yogurt, and fresh raspberries. It’ll taste like the greatest PBJ you’ve ever had AND it’ll give you a shit-ton of protein needed to boost your energy. Allergic to that shit? Try a classic combo of celery, cucumber, honeydew, and mint for a refreshing smoothie that you can def add alcohol to if needed.