5 New Sunglass Trends Nobody Should Ever Wear

It’s almost summer, and since I hide from the sun as much as possible, having chic sunglasses to cover most of my face and make me seem ~mysterious~ is a must. There are soooooo many new sunglass trends for spring/summer 2018, and most of them are hideous, but these ones I found are like, not that bad. Actually, IDK. You could probably pull some of these off if you’re a celebrity, but assuming you’re not since you’re reading this article, you should probs stay away.

1. Flat AF

I’m not positive I’m that into this look yet, but shield sunglasses or flat top sunglasses are fucking everywhere right now. I might decide later that I truly hate them, but right now I’m settling for politely intrigued. They are for sure interesting, but if you’re going to do it, try to get ones like these edgy Diors and not the horrible ones that look like an actual ski mask. It’s kind of like a unibrow you can just put on and off as needed. Because that is what we’re missing as a society. More unibrow looks.

Main Image - Dior Shield Sunglasses

Dior Shield Sunglasses

2. Bright AF

It’s like we’re trying to hide our sad, pessimistic outlooks by literally forcing our eyes into rose-colored glasses. Poetic, really. Tbh, it will be a nice addition to my chronic RBF. Super scarily bright sunglasses are everywhere rn and this is one of the sunglass trends that will def continue into summer. Just looking at these is giving me a migraine.

Rainbow OPTX Magenta Lens

3. Embellished AF

Am I suggesting that you should spend $1,240 on crazy-ass sunglasses that look like pineapples? Fuck yes, I am. I would love to be the kind of person who could spend my rent money on sunglasses, but unfortunately, I’m broke and my dog has grown accustomed to sleeping inside. If you’ve figured the whole sugar baby thing out and can get these, do it, because they are fucking amazing. Otherwise, any crazy embellished sunglasses will do. Is it obnoxious? Does it have a bunch of shit sticking out of it, like studs or other sculpted pieces? Is it covered in glitter? It’s probably in rn.

Main Image - Gucci 53mm Pineapple Sunglasses

Gucci 53mm Pineapple Sunglasses

4. Sharp AF

Can you use your sunglasses as a self-defense tool if necessary? No? Then they are not sharp enough. Cat-eye sunglasses are always in, but thanks to new sunglass trends, your eyewear can shank anyone that pisses you off. Just please don’t get the really teeny tiny ones, they are hideous and make me furious.

Main Image - Quay Australia x Desi Perkins Don't @ Me 48mm Cat Eye Sunglasses

Quay Australia x Desi Perkins Don’t @ Me 48mm Cat Eye Sunglasses

5. Idiotic AF

Okay. people in haute couture really need to start consulting me when they decide what is trendy because what the actual fuck. These are sunglasses that have a removable visor. Visors are hideous enough on their own, like, are you trying to look like an elderly retiree in Florida? But to add this onto sunglasses?? Like, imagine the context in which you’d wear this. You’re walking around, and then you’re like, “oh, the sun is too bright, let me go ahead and put on my tiny sunglass visor.” Someone please do that without looking like a complete idiot. If only we had some kind of appendage on our body that we could hold up to our faces to shield the sun? …Oh right, OUR HANDS.

Main Image - Dior DiorClub2S 56mm Square Sunglasses with Removable Visor

Dior DiorClub2S 56mm Square Sunglasses with Removable Visor

Images: pineapple / Unsplash

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Holly Hammond
Holly Hammond
Holly is an ex-sorority girl with the personality of Elle Woods meets Wednesday Addams. She is an artist, writer, animator, and part-time magician. Her parents are v proud but also like to ask her when she's going to get a real job. Buy art from her so she can pay for her bulldog's dermatologist.