If you haven’t seen Netflix’s new show Bridgerton, based on the books by Julia Quinn, please give me the address to the rock you’re living under so I can move there too and avoid the news, and then stop reading this and go watch it. It debuted on Christmas Day and I’m already re-watching it just to keep listening to their accents.
For you poor unfortunate souls who haven’t finished yet, the show is basically Gossip Girl reimagined in 1800s London during the debutante season. It’s full of period costumes that feature women laced up in corsets like they’re being hog-tied but somehow despite that, there is sexual tension galore, especially between the main characters, Simon Hastings (aka regulation hottie Regé-Jean Page) and Daphne Bridgerton, played by Phoebe Dynevor.
From smoldering glances across ballrooms and the thrill of his *gasp* hand touching yours, there are plenty of moments considered hot and fiery for the time period. This is what dreams are made of: sigh-inducing professions of love and old-fashioned flowery language, plus they take their clothes off. Outstanding. And while we can’t all go out there and sleep with a Duke whenever we want (ugh), there are a few royally inspiring ways to manifest that sexual tension with these recommendations based on the hottest Simon and Daphne love scenes. Please know that some of these positions contain spoilers. On that note, let us make haste, indeed.
Scene 1: Episode 5, “The Duke and I”
This episode marks the first sex scene we get of new Duchess and her husband the Duke, and it also happens to be when Daphne loses her virginity. I know that doesn’t sound hot, but the scene manages to encompass that this woman has been lusting after Simon for, like, weeks now, and now she’s finally married to him (LOL at those 1800s marital timelines), feeling more safe, and is ready to let her freak flag fly. In a previous episode where she’s pestering Simon to fill her in on the mystery of sex, he suggests she start with touching herself and see where that takes her. (A very astute suggestion, especially for 1813.) Daphne not only takes this sage advice but tells him during this scene that when she touches herself at night, she thinks of him. For someone who’s never seen a penis until literally just now, girl’s got some moves.
Recommendation: This one writes itself: have him watch while you lay back and *ahem* show him (or her, these tips are not just for heterosexual couples) what you like. It’s simple, it’s hot, it’s foolproof. For an added incentive, set a timer on your phone and say they can’t touch you until it goes off. Once it does, go to town and for bonus points, use a warming or sensation-enhancing lube. You know the Duchess would do the same if it was invented back then.
Scene 2: Episode 6, “Swish”
Once Daphne gets the hang of things, I’m happy to say that we get an entire montage of her and Simon doing the dirty in the thrill of their honeymoon. To be fair, if we still casually married people we’d only known for about a month these days, and during the honeymoon you were lucky enough to realize how attracted you were to each other, the amount of sex you’d be having would be insane. Plus, they’re both super rich and have basically nothing else to do but get it on in the rain inside some kind of outdoor gazebo mid-downpour to a violin instrumental of Taylor Swift’s “Wildest Dreams”. They have about a million rooms with beds to choose from since they also live in an enormous mansion, but you do you.
Recommendation: In the spirit of engaging other senses, I’m going to suggest a Fifty Shades of Grey-esque strategy here. From the books, not the movies, and don’t worry, it doesn’t involve rain or cold flagstone. Have your partner blindfold you to start with, but then in addition to removing your sight (and clothes, I hope I don’t need to specify that), up the ante with some auditory control. Insert AirPods or whatever headphones you prefer and then play the music of your choice while your partner controls what you hear and then feel—preferably, something sensual and powerful. The Bridgerton instrumental playlist is on Spotify and violin-based classical is a good choice for this experience, just saying.
Scene 3: Episode 6, “Swish”
As the sex montage continues, the scenery changes and we get a situation where Daphne is on a ladder, I’m assuming in the library or study, while Simon goes down on her until she pulls him face to face to finish things with their clothes on. Girl is living the teenage dream, but actually though, since people got married in their actual teens in those days. That being said, while I love the variety in locations here and how much rich sex we get to vicariously see, not all of us are fortunate enough to marry a Duke and live in a house with a full library and a handcrafted mahogany ladder to have sex on.
Recommendation: Take a second from crying about the fact that you weren’t born royal and don’t have a giant dowry to convince someone to marry you and imagine the reverse. Ignoring the ridiculously outdated social niceties and the multitude of things very wrong with that time period, try choosing some lingerie that resembles those insane corsets that push your boobs up to your chin, grab a feather like the one they wear in their hats and tiaras, and live your fantasy. Maybe you’re the duchess, or a princess, or a dressmaker who falls in love with a prince, another duchess, a scullery maid, or whatever brings your 1800s-inspired fantasy to life. It’s a great way to escape from reality while still being, you know, pandemic-safe. As long as you commit to your roles, whatever combo you have in mind is sure to be swoon-worthy.
Scene 4: Episode 7, “Oceans Apart”
Daphne and Simon aren’t all love, all the time—there are some points of serious tension in the show that contribute to arguments and misunderstandings between the couple that are genuinely heart-wrenching, but I’m glad to say they manage to keep things hot even in times of strife. The scene I’m referring to here is one where, post-fight, Daphne and Simon meet up for a rendezvous on a staircase in the middle of the night where he goes down on her in a moment of passion, despite their ongoing problems. I can’t stress enough: to anyone whose significant other has been dropping bold hints for you to watch this, this is the part she’s talking about.
Recommendation: Take a classic and reimagine it with a simple twist: just sit on a table or a counter while they go down on you. It’s not complicated, but it can be hotter than you think to try this out with just a switch up of body positioning. If you have stairs, you can lay back with your partner a step or two below you. If you don’t, choose a kitchen counter, a chair, or a coffee table — any surface that isn’t a bed, so it feels novel and exciting.
Scene 5: Episode 8, “After the Rain”
Without totally giving away the plot here, Daphne and Simon have resolved a pretty major difference and the final love scene is vanilla but, like, vulnerable and tender. They’re coming back together (pun fully intended) as a couple who has connected on an emotional level and revealed deep truths about themselves, and the final love scene here reflects that. It’s passionate but also sweet; it reads more like a homecoming and a resolution to all the earlier conflict.
Recommendation: You can embrace the vulnerability of this scene even if you aren’t quite in the same emotional place as Daphne and Simon, or if you are. Since this is all about getting close and connecting emotionally, make yourself physically vulnerable as well as emotional. That’s right, dust off your handcuffs, or any implement you’d like to use (cable ties are fine for the hardcore bunch, or bathrobe ties work well and are a soft, gentle option), and have your partner restrain your hands behind your back. Then, have your partner sit on the bed with their back against the bed frame or in a chair and get on top, letting them use their hands on your hips to support you for tons of eye contact and connection.
Word on the street is that a second season of Bridgerton, while not yet confirmed by Netflix, is in the works—so stay tuned for yet another round of spicy 1813 London drama. I’ll be narrating my daily life in Lady Whistledown’s voice until then.