3 Reasons Tristan Thompson Is An Astrological Nightmare To Date

Let’s not all sit here and pretend like we’re shocked that Tristan Thompson cheated again. Khloé Kardashian sure as hell isn’t surprised. But cheating on Koko with Kylie Jenner’s BFF Jordyn Woods? Girl, we were rooting for you! You had it made—from guaranteed invites to every Stormi World from now until the end of time to living in Kylie’s backyard mansion guest house, you got it all without even sharing their last name. What gives?!

As the Kar/Jenner clan and fans alike continue to reel from this devastating news (just one week prior to the new season premiere of Keeping Up with the Kardashians—I’m pretty sure that “the devil works hard, but Kris Jenner works harder” is officially a certifiable adage), let’s take a closer look at Tristan’s birth chart and at what makes him such a freaking nightmare to date. It’s pretty simple: it’s astrologically impossible for him to be faithful. I’m not trying to say it excuses his behavior (it certainly does not), but I am saying that an astrology buff like me could have seen another cheating scandal coming from a mile away. Let’s dig deeper into what about Tristan Thompson’s astrology makes him the exact type of guy you should go running from.

The More the Merrier

When Tristan was born, Mars—the planet in our birth charts that rules our sexual desires, animalistic instincts, and impulsive behaviors—was in Gemini. Translation: These hoes ain’t loyal. Gemini, depicted in the zodiac as identical twins, is a notoriously unfaithful sign. Geminis are known for being incredibly difficult to pin down, having two sides to their personality, and for getting bored easily. (The fidget spinner was basically invented for Geminis.)


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Good morning wacky world, whats your sign? I’m a Gemini ?‍♂️( I’ve been told that’s bad)

A post shared by Mitko~ idealpiper ?????? (@idealpiper) on

This means Tristan’s going to want sex, and he’s going to need variety. That doesn’t just mean when it comes to positions—he’s going to need multiple partners. Geminis can also be emotionally distant—so engaging in a behavior like womanizing with beloved family friends wouldn’t exactly put a dagger through his heart, *ahem* as we have so clearly seen.

Let Freedom Reign

But he has a heart deep down, right? Er, kinda. His Venus, the planet that rules over our love and preferred style of commitment, is in freedom-seeking Aries. You can’t tie this mf-er down. Aries need space—and no offense to claustrophobia-inducing Cancers like Khloé, you guys can be stage five clingers.

It’s challenging to convince someone with an Aries Venus to commit. It has to be their idea. Aries are impulsive and require frequent (and often daily) sex for emotional fulfillment and loyalty. Deep creatures, I know. Tristan’s love language thrives off of independence, and he loves to try new partners things. It usually takes a few decades before an Aries Venus is ready to settle down with bae.


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Jordyn baby what are you doinnngggg

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Destined For Instagram Shade

In particular, two planets in his birth chart set him up for disaster. His moon in stubborn-ass Aquarius forms a tense connection with his Pluto in Scorpio. Our moon signs show us how we respond and react emotionally, while Pluto is a complex planet that often rules obsession, compulsive behavior, and toxic patterns. When these two planets sync up in a negative way in someone’s birth chart, it results in an individual who is prone to self-sabotage, especially when it comes to his or her personal relationships. The moon can also rule aspects of our public life, so in this case, the individual’s painful experiences or horrible decisions might play out on a public scale. Or on Twitter and Instagram. It’s a compulsive behavior. Tristan isn’t thinking about anyone else—he’s got a one-track mind.

Tristan Thompson Fake News

All we can do is deep sigh and continue to wade through Instagram’s comment section looking for more share. Or pray that Kylie finally comments on the alleged scandal. While the stars do provide interesting correlations to Tristan’s unfaithful ways, let us not forget the ultimate takeaway: He’s a fucking dick, and deserves to feel the consequences of his actions, one Instagram comment at a time. And no astrological connection gives him a Get Out of Jail Free card—Gemini Mars, or not.

Images: idealpiper, 

Stephanie Campos-Powell
Stephanie Campos-Powell
Stephanie Campos-Powell is an astrologer, mystic, editor, writer, and cat lover (she has four). She’s a Leo and truly believes she missed her calling as a child star. Reading celebrity birth charts makes her heart flutter, and so does Zumba. In her spare time, you can find her creating passive aggressive astrology memes and trying to make the world a more magical place.