Here’s the sitch: You’re planning your best friend’s Bachelorette party. (We’ve all been there.) And, I don’t know about you but the “pin the dick on the dude” theme is really getting old. Listen, I’m all for helping your girl sow her wild oats one last weekend before the wedding, but let’s put a pause on the penises, ok? Let’s be a little more mature and do a grown up theme… Like dressing as if we were in 3rd grade again. (Everyone loves a 90’s theme.)

But if you’re going sans-penis, what are we decorating with? That’s where we come in. Because let’s be honest…you’ve got a lot of shit on your plate already. Whether it’s deciding who gets which room in the Airbnb or forcing different friend groups to get along, one thing you shouldn’t have to worry about are the details of decor. Which is exactly why I planned it all for you. You’re welcome in advance.

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LAST DISCO

Let’s be real, not a single one of you was even alive during the disco era. But honestly, who cares? If it means that the only type of balls that will be at the party are disco, I’m in. And, one thing I can pretty much guarantee is that none of you will be Stayin’ Alive with the hangover you’re sure to have on day two.

Disco Ball Headband And Veil

Every bride wants to be the center of attention, so this headband will ensure she shines brighter than anyone else.

Shop it: xo, Fetti Disco Ball Headband + Veil, $9.99, Amazon

Last Disco Foil Balloons

Is it even a themed party if you don’t have balloons that literally spell out the theme?

Shop it: xo, Fetti Last Disco Foil Balloons, $11.99, Amazon

Disco Ball Foil Curtain

More is more when it comes to disco decor.

Shop it: xo, Fetti Disco Ball Foil Curtain, $15.99, Amazon

Stayin’ Alive Hangover Kit

I think this is self explanatory—help the group come back to life after a long night out.

Shop it: Stayin Alive Hangover Kit, $2.65, Etsy

Y2K

A bachelorette party already feels like one giant sleepover, so why not just embrace it? Just go to your parents house, dig through your childhood closet, and I’m sure you’ll find A) a Juicy tracksuit, B) PINK sweatpants, C) your collection of hit clips or, D) all of the above. All that’s missing is some blow-up furniture and a few feather boas.

Y2K Icons Party Banner

If Paris Hilton was pictured wearing and/or using it in 2005, it belongs on this banner and at your bach.

Shop it: Y2K Icons Party Banner, $3.69, Etsy

Bride Bucket Hat

Shade the bride from the sun while bringing back the best trend of the early ’00s.

Shop it: Bride Bucket Hat, $34, Shop Betches

Checkered Drink Pouches

It’s giving Limited Too graphic t-shirts and I’m absolutely here for it.

Shop it: xo, Fetti Checkered Drink Pouches, $9.99, Amazon

Iridescent Fringe Foil Curtain

So insta may not have existed back then, but this photo backdrop would’ve looked just as good on a disposable camera as it will on your phone.

Shop it: xo, Fetti Decorations Iridescent Fringe Foil Curtain, $12.99, Amazon

NO THEME

Okay, hear me out. What if you went to a bach and the theme was simply…. Bachelorette Party? Let the bride be a bridezilla and wear white for 4 solid days straight, drink water that she desperately needs at the end of the night from one of those bride straws, and ~~mourn~~ celebrate her last few months/weeks of being unwed. Can’t go wrong with a classic.

Pearl White Hair Bow

It’ll match every single one of the 30 white outfits she brought on the 3 day trip.

Shop it: xo, Fetti Pearl White Hair Bow, $12.99, Amazon

Bride To Be Sash

It’s not a classic bach without a sash.

Shop it: xo, Fetti Rhinestone Bride To Be Sash, $8.99, Amazon

Bride And Diamond Ring Straw Set

How will you know who’s the bride and who’s not if you don’t have specific straws that say it??

Shop it: xo, Fetti Pink Bride + Diamond Ring Straw Set, $14.99, Amazon

Bride Balloon

I don’t need to spell it out for you, but she’s getting f*cking married and wants everyone to know.

Shop it: xo, Fetti white Jumbo Bride Balloons, $19.99, Amazon

Rose Gold Foil Curtain

You’re going to need some color so the Bride Balloons don’t blend in with the stark white walls of the Airbnb.

Shop it: KatchOn Rose Gold Fringe Curtain Backdrop, $10.97, Amazon

LAST RODEO

If you’re not scream-singing Shania Twain at the top of your lungs by the end of the night, did you really even go to a western-themed bachelor party? Give the girls what they want! And by that I mean a reason to wear the cowboy boots they bought last year that are sitting in the back of their closet…

Bride Cowgirl Hat

Every bride wants a hat with a veil ever since the ’98 version of The Parent Trap. IYKYK.

Shop it: xo, Fetti Bride Cowgirl Hat, $29.99, Amazon

Let’s Go Girls Glitter Banner

Man, I feel like a woman.

Shop it: xo, Fetti Let’s Go Girls Glitter Banner in Silver, $10.99, Amazon

Cowgirl Boot Shot Glasses

The phrase “boot and rally,” has truly taken on a new meaning at bachelorette parties.

Shop it: Cowgirl Boot Shot Glasses, $2.99, Etsy

Cow Print Balloons

These are just so f*cking cute, I can’t.

Shop it: Cow Print Balloons, $6.99, Amazon

RIP TO YOUR SINGLE LIFE

I may or may not have binged one too many true-crime podcasts before writing this but if I could re-do my own bachelorette, you better believe this would have been the theme. Dressing in all black makes packing so simple. And TBH the vibe is giving Kourt & Travis Barker and I’m here for it.

RIP Single Life Glitter Banner