2017 has really been the bitch that killed everyone’s vibe, amiright? Like most of the world, we’re already looking ahead to the future. A beautiful, magical place where people have pulled their heads out of their racist asses and actually picked someone (anyone, please, God) that can replace Donald Trump. Yes, I’m counting down every second looking forward to 2020…or 2018. Who can say at this rate?
Anyway, who are some people who have expressed interest in running for president? Unfortunately, not Rihanna. (Riri- if you’re reading this – there’s still time…) But here are a few of our favs (and some of our least favs) who are most likely throwing their hat in the ring for 2020. Wishing them all the luck in the luck in the world.
The lovable, perfect angel that is our bro, Joe Biden, maker of memes, champion of sexual assault victims, is one of the top contenders for 2020. How do we know this? Well, he wrote a book, which, in political terms, is basically like the first pic you post with a new guy. It’s a signal to the world that you’re thinking about making shit official, and society should take note. Truly, I’m not sure if we’re worthy of a Biden presidency, but fuck, I hope so.
We all saw this coming. Elizabeth Warren has been slowing campaigning for the presidency like I’ve been slowly pressuring my boyfriend for an engagement ring. And by “slowly pressuring”, I mean asking him every fucking day when he’s going to propose and then writing about it in an article on the internet. *Stares directly out of the computer screen and into my boyfriend’s soul for a solid 30 seconds* Anyway, Lizzy is basically like, the progressive’s progressive, and she’s gone viral several times for her public draggings of finance bros in the Senate. TBH, I’m just hoping she runs so we can see her turn some of that classic savagery on Trump in a debate. I really don’t think he could take it.
I mean, while I am not totally convinced that we need an 80 year old man running for his first term in office, if this means another year of Larry David impersonations, I am here for it. Bernie hasn’t 100% confirmed if he’s running (again, he’s literally 76 years old rn and probably taking it one day at a time), but if he does, gather supplies. The Bernie Bros are coming, and they will trick you into going on a “date” with them to a local Democratic Socialists meeting. Trust me. This has happened
Apparently the dude who has been making Farmville still exist for so long now wants to run our country. I can just imagine him being at the U.N. like “so hear me out, instead of war-wars, with, like, guns, we exchange in poke-wars.” I mean, I guess by the transitive property of Trump being the worst, Mark Zuckerberg would be a better president, but excuse me for not jumping for joy at the thought that the dude who low-key soled three thousand ads to the Russians during the last election might win the next.
I don’t know how I feel about being sexually attracted to my president. Also I don’t know if he’s qualified, but like, “being qualified” went out of style hardcore in 2016, and the jury is still out on whether or not it will be back in style by 2020. Also, who’s his running mate going to be? Kevin Hart?
Actually, you know what, that sounds amazing.
Senator Kirsten Gillibrand
If you’re not on the Kirsten train yet, please kindly purchase the next available ticket. Senator Gillibrand is the junior senator from New York, and she has been literally slaying on all levels for the duration of her career. She’s a crusader for women’s rights, an anti-sexual harassment and assault advocate, and she voted against 20 out of 22 of Trump’s appointments (she voted to confirm Nikki Haley because they’re BFFs). As an added bonus, if she won we would have a president named “Kirsten.” Need I say more?
Honorable Mention: Michelle Obama
Michelle, Barack, and everyone close to the Obamas in the world have said Michelle was not, is not, and will never run but like…a girl can dream, can’t she?