The PyeongChang Winter Olympics kick off this week and for those of us who can only maintain interest in sports for like 15 minutes tops, we’re bringing you something more fun to focus on: the uniforms adorning these spectacularly ripped bodies. You might not be able to judge freestyle skiing, but you can go full on fashion police for these official Olympic uniforms. Here’s a look at what the world’s hottest bodies are rocking.
France
The team is ready to rock ???????? #PyeongChang #olympicsgames #skijumping @FranceOlympique pic.twitter.com/YeMTx5V9KU
— Léa Lemare (@lealemare) February 8, 2018
Designer: Lacoste
Congrats to the French, once again, for looking chic af. They’ve really nailed the “richest girl you follow on Instagram” look for which I both applaud and am incredibly jealous of. I wasn’t aware Soul Cycle was an event this year. These sleek and sexy uniforms are going to be a hit at the Olympic Fuckfest Village.
Australia
These legends are ready to shine at #PyeongChang2018 ✨✨✨✨#GoAUS pic.twitter.com/XmPl81poeV
— AUS Olympic Team (@AUSOlympicTeam) February 8, 2018
Designer: Total Image
The only nice thing I can say about these uniforms is that if any of these athletes get seriously injured, they are already dressed for a shitty summer internship at a law firm. Olympians are literally the closest thing we have to gods and Total Image has managed to make them look like down on their luck substitute teachers. This is literally what Jack Black wore to pretend to be a teacher in School of Rock. Not impressed.
USA
The 2018 U.S. Olympic Team has been announced! ???? Follow your favorite athletes as they prepare to compete at the #WinterOlympics ⬇️https://t.co/aEDp87icce
— U.S. Olympic Team (@TeamUSA) January 27, 2018
Designer: Ralph Lauren
Doing anything that isn’t 100% enthusiastically patriotic these days is apparently treason according to our president, but at the risk of being locked away forever I”m going to give these uniforms a serious side eye. We have a lot going on here, folks. This is the perfect outfit for the cross country cowboy hanging fireside at a ski lodge. Dare I say, let’s minimize the look? It sort of screams, “we’re a mess of a country at the moment!”
Germany
Pyeongchang get ready for these guys ???????????????????? #TeamGermany pic.twitter.com/pQ5CiVmutV
— Richard Freitag (@Richard_Freitag) February 5, 2018
Designer: Adidas
Germany looks like they could bust out a breakdancing move at any given moment and I mean that as a complete compliment. It’s bordering a little bit on skater fuckboy, but unfortunately, that’s the kind of fuckboy I fall for. 10/10.
Russia
Russia unveiled a new “neutral” Olympic uniform in Moscow for the 2018 games
The country has been denied use of its flag and badges as punishment from the Sochi doping scandal pic.twitter.com/mXFDyLvqtm
— CBS Evening News (@CBSEveningNews) January 22, 2018
Designer: Zasport
So, while we were all busy trying to figure out if the Russians interfered with our elections, the Russians were busy getting in trouble for doping in the last Olympics. The punishment? Make them stay out and have total FOMO. Just kidding. Something worse. The very few individuals who didn’t dope can compete independently but they have to wear a boring tacky outfit with literally no flair. The IOC decided to force all Russian athletes to wear bland great tracksuits. BUt in a twist they look like the could easily be part of Yeezy Season 6.
Finland
Suomen #curling -pari Oona ja Tomi lähdössä kisaamaan Olympialaisiin ja maailman kahdeksan parhaan joukkoon! #PyeongChangFi pic.twitter.com/fdvTusqwqL
— Olympic Team Finland (@OlympicTeamFI) January 28, 2018
Designer: Icepeak
Hello? Disney Channel’s 2002 aesthetic called and they’re gonna need their look back. If you weren’t already aware that Finland is white people dancing to EDM, this really lays it out for you. They look like slightly hunkier Sims characters or Abercrombie rave goth. I guess one upside is they can really focus on their sports because no one is going to be hitting on them at the games. Sad!
