The 87th Academy Awards, where the luckiest person involved was Julianne Moore’s character from Still Alice, who didn’t have to remember any of this thanks to her early-onset Alzheimer’s. For the less fortunate of us, we watched as Neil Patrick Harris stole a trick from How I Met Your Mother—building up to a moment for the entirety of the show before unveiling the biggest dud ever. Everyone acted like the kid saying “Stay Weird” had just said the most revolutionary thing ever and not stolen the slogan of worst travel destination Portland.
The fashion was just as blasé with some hits and misses, but luckily, we had Jared Leto to die on the cross for all the fashion sins. Here is our breakdown of all your favorite Oscar fashion moments.
She slithered her way into the awards with this number. I know, I know switching to Geico can save me 15% or more on car insurance.
I hate this outfit. It’s so boring and white like her. Take another hike, Reese.
I love Emma in the green Elie Saab gown as gingers in green go together like salsa and guacamole. And yes, I would totally pay 1.80 extra for this dress.
You still look great, but what is it like to always be the less hot, old Jennifer?
The only reason Solange got in was that she camouflaged herself into the carpet.
Louis Vuitton gold dress with a crimson sash or Quan’s Tae Kwon Do Red Belt Ceremony?
No one does nude better than Jennifer Lopez, but by all means keep giving it your best shot, Kimberly.
Bruce Jenner was quoted saying, “She honestly looked amazing last night, I want those waves!!!”
I love the long sleeve couture gown and the thigh high slit. Dare I say thigh high slits are the new plunging back?! Get squatting, betches.
The Krusty Krab is hiring and Lady Gaga’s career is failing, so…..
All the DIY bitches are at home right now with glue guns and Claire’s bags full for pearls just working. Pinterest is gonna be poppin’ today.
I love the black sheer Saint Lauren with a red lip; very sultry and sexy, but it’s ruined by the atrocious tassel necklace. I probably still won’t see Focus, but I might watch Wolf of Wall Street on Netflix again.
She may be wearing a simple red dress on the outside, but we will never know what freaky shit she has inside her.
Lupita barely escaped Kelly’s grasp to make it to tonight’s red carpet.
Gone Girl looks great in Givenchy red, as compared to Neil Patrick Harris’ blood red.
She needs to make sure she cuts this before she recycles. Do it for the dolphins.
Ryan Seacrest wearing his own Ryan Seacrest Distinction look is like liking your own Instagram picture before it reaches 11. It’s fine to be desperate and pathetic, but don’t let everyone know.
John Travolta trying to remember what a real face feels like.