Close your eyes and picture your college dorm room. After approximately 13 trips to Target with your frantic mother, you finally were able to decorate a place that was all your own. Well, your own plus your roommate Margaret who shit her pants after only eating Totino’s Pizza Rolls for two weeks straight (true story). Outside of the Spencer’s Gifts lava lamp and Jager-scented carpet was a treasure trove of your belongings and emerging personal style. But those hazy, wild days of sneaking Natty Ice past your RA actually played a big part in predicting your future. See below for a breakdown of what your dorm room decor circa Ke$ha says about you circa now.
Anything Eiffel Tower Related
You were either an Early Childhood Education major or a French major and were relentlessly mocked for it. After college you were an au pair in Switzerland for a rich family where you met your hot architect partner. You now live happily and comfortably in Lisbon. Your college dorm bully now likes all your IG vacation pics.
PETA Stickers
You went one of two ways. Either you got cuffed next to Jane Fonda at the climate march or this tab is open next to your Chemtrails are Real message board tab. (Please be the former.)
White Faux Fur Papasan Chair
You’re now a rich cool aunt type/Maxxinista who always smells good. You host Real Housewives of Potomac watch parties and have a chilled bottle of champs ready at all times. After your day job you write super horny will-they-won’t-they lit under a pseudonym by candlelight.
Marilyn Monroe Poster
You’ve seen Lana Del Rey in concert 26 times.
Fairy Lights
You were a nursing major who was #TeamEdward and chose “A Thousand Years” as your wedding first dance song. You bring fresh baked goods to your true crime book club. You exchanged friendship bracelets with JLaw at Eras. You are literally rewatching Gilmore Girls this very second. I don’t make the rules!
Paul Frank *everything*
500 Days of Summer was your entire personality for a brief time. There was likely a Death Cab or Fall Out Boy or Bright Eyes poster on your wall. Now you’re in love with Phoebe Bridgers or Katie from MUNA and are teaching yourself how to DJ.
Any Harry Potter-Related Decor
Once upon a time circa 2010, you wrote Harry/Draco fan-fiction and dreamed of moving to Edinburgh. Now you have a popular #BookTok account with ADHD productivity tips, a massive tea collection, and play the Lord of the Rings music while you WFH.
Audrey Hepburn Poster
You went through an intense Blair Waldorf phase and are deeply sad you sold all your headbands under value on Poshmark. You live in NYC now and call your bathroom your “powder room” even though it is 20 sq feet with linoleum tile. You rule your barre class with an iron fist.
Beyoncé Poster
You attended the Club Renaissance Bey birthday show and had an attendee escorted out for screaming “Mother!” during the “Look around everybody on mute” cue. You’re not a Virgo but you tell everyone you are. Instead of going home for the holidays this year you’re going to the British Virgin Islands.
Woven Tie-Dye Chakra Tapestry
Hey, Art Major! After college you moved to LA to work at a kava bar and buy all the frankincense incense your budget would allow. Now you’re a holistic healer/guided sound meditation practitioner/energy worker/mama to Nevaeh (that’s Heaven spelled backwards), age four.
