Valentine’s Day aka Singles Awareness Day is here, and if you’re feeling anxiety over having to watch couples kiss while getting your latte in the morning, we’ve got you covered. If watching disgusting displays of love isn’t your thing, because honestly whose is it really, just avoid doing any of the following this today and you’ll be good.
1. Going To A Speakeasy
Any bar that is remotely classy or cute is not where you want to be on Valentine’s Day. Basically if the bartender calls him/herself a mixologist—or worse, artist—you should avoid it at all costs. Go drink somewhere as unimpressive as possible.
2. Ice Skating Or A Wintery Romantic Activity
Sorry, but who goes ice skating on a Tuesday evening anyway? You probably won’t have much problem avoiding this, but stay away from any activity that could be a date from an Archie comic.
3. Going Out To Dinner Literally Anywhere
If you go out to eat anywhere but your mom’s house, you’re literally going to be miserable and surrounded by couples. Yes, even Chipotle, because even fuckboys gotta celebrate Valentine’s Day.
4. Looking At Your Ex’s Social Media
This isn’t 50 Shades of Grey, there’s no need to torture yourself. Put down the Instagram and make yourself a cocktail (not alone, though—we’ll get to that in a sec).
5. Going To See 50 Shades Darker
Speaking of 50 Shades, stay away from the movie theater altogether on Valentine’s Day. Especially this movie glorifying an abusive relationship. You might start missing the fuckboys of your past and forget they were literally the worst.
6. Going To The Mall
You might think the mall is a safe space where you can retail therapy your way to peace, but you are wrong. The mall is the worst place to be on Valentine’s Day because every store will find a way to promote the shit out of the holiday to get you to buy stuff. Even a shoe store is going to find a way to make their sneakers about love.
7. Swiping On Dating Apps
It’s like how getting a match at 2am lets you know the person is shady AF: If you match with a bro on Tinder on Valentine’s Day, you’ll just look like you were swiping through your heartbreak…because you are. Answering messages on Valentine’s Day is probably fine, but avoid swiping for new matches or you’ll just look thirsty AF.
8. Going Through Your Old Relationship Photos And Wondering What You Did Wrong
When a relationship ends, it means you dodged a bullet, almost every time. It’s easy to look at old photos and think you had things better, but the truth is if it ended it was never going to last to begin with. Logic. Plus, your ex probably sucked, which is why he’s your ex.
9. Drinking By Yourself
You might think it’s cute to pour yourself a glass of Chardonnay and watch 13 Going on 30 in the fuzzy socks your mom sent in your Valentine’s Day care package, but three glasses in you’re just going to realize you made a terrible mistake. If you’re going to drink, drink with friends. That way, it’s not technically considered alcoholism.
10. Getting A Present For Your Casual Hookup
Valentine’s Day is for couples that have exhausted all their excitement and need a lame holiday to pretend they’re still in love. If you’re just falling in love or dating someone casually, put the candy hearts down. There’s no reason you can’t go on a date or hook up on Valentine’s Day, but don’t spend a dime on someone that isn’t going to take you as a plus one to their best friend’s wedding.
