10 Things I Hate About Public Bathrooms

10. The line.

9. People who try to talk to you on the line. “We randomly met while waiting to pee and now we're best friends,” said no one ever.

8. The awkward exchange between you and the bathroom attendant when you walk in. ¡Hola!

7. The awkward exchange with the attendant to wash your hands. Turning on the faucet for me and handing me a paper towel so we both can pretend this job is remotely useful is just awkward for both parties. And I obviously don't carry bills small enough to tip you.

6. Having to judge the length of time that's appropriate to check yourself out in the mirror. 

5. Having to toilet paper the seat more thoroughly than you would your arch nemesis' house if that weren't a totally ghetto move.

4. Squatting even though you put toilet paper on the seat.

3. In shittier bathrooms, when the hand dryer sucks and there's a line to use it, and no hand towels, and you're standing there with wet hands, wishing for a fucking bathroom attendant.

2. In crowded club bathrooms, when the bathroom attendant only allows one betch per stall. But if there's no attendant, the bathroom police squad of stupid drunk bitches will do the job and harrassingly knock on the door to rush you anyway. 

1. Touching anything.


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