10 Things Guys Need To Stop Doing

It’s a universally known fact that guys are shitty, like, generally. They’re lazy, they’re sloppy, they’re immature, they’re insensitive, they have mommy issues, and sometimes, they’re downright sexist. It’s basically indisputable that women are more often than not on the receiving end of stomach-churning male behavior, whether we’re being mocked, objectified, or even denied basic human rights, and no one knows this better than The Betches me.

We’ll save the serious political shit for another article, but the unacceptable shit that guys try to pull unfortunately extends into the mundane everyday stuff too. Like when you’re at the gym just trying to use the Stairmaster in peace and you can practically feel the eyes of the guy on the machine behind you boring a hole through the back your leggings. It’s uncomfortable, it’s violating, it’s unacceptable, and, most importantly, it interferes with your ability to live your best life. So below, we’ve enumerated the things guys do that aren’t just obnoxious but downright offensive—and need to stop, like, immediately.

1. Cat-calling: I honestly don’t get what the point of cat-calling is. Has any woman ever been like “well I wasn’t considering sucking your dick at all but now that you mention it I’ve got 5 extra minutes?”

2. Sending dick pics: Once again, no. a dick pic is never, I repeat, NEVER, a pleasant surprise.

3. Saying “m’lady”: Studies have shown that 99% of guys who say m’lady wear a fedora and are still a virgin by the time they turn 29.

4. Asking me what I’m gonna do when I get married since I can’t cook: I think the better question is, what are you going to do when you get married, since you can’t cook to save your ass, either? Because I for one am going to marry a rich pro and hire a personal chef, so…

5. Saying shit that, at the time, they blatantly do not mean: Like for example when you go on a date and you know you’re both kind of like “meh” about it at the end of it and instead of being a normal rational human and not even bringing up seeing each other again since it’s obvious neither of you want to do that, the guy is all, “Hey that was super fun we should totally do it again, I’ll text you.” And you’re just standing there like “We both know that’s not going to happen, nor do we want it to happen, so…why?” Why are you literally wasting your breath just to talk shit that has no bearing on my life one way or the other?

6. Openly bashing all feminists because “all feminists are just a bunch of bitches who think all men are horrible and deserve to die” and that’s just not true: Do you even see the irony of what’s going on here?

7. Putting their hands on the back of the girl’s head and pushing when she is going down on them: Oddly specific? Yes. Makes me homicidal? Also yes. Bros out there, I know when you go down on a girl there’s no real danger other than perhaps drowning in the pussy. But when I give head I am literally choking myself repeatedly until you nut. Seriously, the choking hazard is very real, so quit testing my gag reflex unless you want vomit on your hands…er, I mean, dick.

8. Grabbing girls around the waist in crowded places: Like when you’re trying to squeeze past me in a bar, why can’t you tap me on my shoulder, or I don’t know, any other place that isn’t as sexual and violating? If I don’t know you I can’t think of a single reason you should put your hand anywhere near my lower back region, unless you’re trying to see how far I can jump in the air when startled.

9. Messing around with my hair without asking: Contrary to popular belief, I did not actually wake up like this. This thing on my head that you think is your own personal petting zoo took a lot of time and styling and money and you cannot just rake your hands through it like you’re making crop circles or it will get fucked up. Don’t try me.

10. Calling girls “bro”: That is, unless you want me to start off my texts from now on with, “Giiiiiirlllll.”

Shut it down. All of it. Kthxbye.