Politics is a forward-looking game. I mean it shouldn’t be, politics genuinely affects people’s lives in a very real and visceral sense and its gamification is shameful, but welcome to 2018. As a rule what’s going to happen is more interesting than what’s happening at the moment (especially when what’s happening at the moment is ghastly). It’s normal, then, that people want to know who might run for president in 2020.
And worry not, there’s a deep pool of grifters more than willing to make their intentions perfectly clear. Obviously anything is possible, but these are the folks who’ve made it clear they have their eyes on the awful, gilded White House in 2020.
Beto O’Rourke
Fresh off a close loss in Texas to the Zodiac Killer Ted Cruz, Beto seems to think he has the momentum to parlay the nationwide attention he received for a presidential bid. He may be right! Of all the people on this list he’s probably the one I’d least like to see catapulted into the Sun. Beto recently met with Al Sharpton, which people are taking as a big sign he’s running.
(Editor’s Note: The Head Pro – for reasons that I will never understand – failed to mention that in addition to being a bonafide progressive with exciting ideas, Beto O’Rourke is also a sexy, sexy lil snack. I feel this is an important part of his backstory and qualifications, which is why I’ve mentioned it here.)
John Kasich
After getting mollywhopped by Trump in 2016, Kasich said recently that he’s seriously considering doing it again. Is this a smart idea, for him? No! Will I enjoy seeing him prostrate himself before Trump when he inevitably loses again? Absolutely.
Kamala Harris
Harris said she’ll make a decision on whether or not to make a play for 2020 over the holidays. That could make for a very merry Christmas for anyone looking to Senator Harris bring her signature shade to the White House and/or for anyone who has already purchased our icons tee.
Joe Biden
Biden hasn’t made any obvious declarations yet, but people have noticed that his recent speaking engagements have a distinctly political tone to them. God, please no. Joe Biden is approximately one thousand years old.
Elizabeth Warren
Warren has been spotted scouting out locations for a campaign headquarters, so it’s safe to say the frequent target of Trump’s ire is running. She’s been pretty consistently progressive throughout her career, but her officially running would just dredge up the insufferable DNA testing fiasco again. (You know, the time she released a DNA test to prove she 1/32 Cherokke – aka the most white lady sh*t anyone has ever done.) Thank you, next!
Michael Bloomberg
The former NYC mayor is talking about 2020 a lot in the news, and reportedly met with some top Democratic officials in Iowa. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that we don’t need to follow up Donald Trump’s presidency with another out-of-touch NY billionaire. Just sayin’…
Cory Booker
Cory is reportedly doing campaign sh*t in New Hampshire. Cool, I guess? Booker was pretty vocal during Brett Kavanaugh’s confirmation hearings, but Senate Democrats in general have been spineless pushovers since Trump took office. Most of that is on Chuck Schumer, who sucks ass, but it’s at least a little bit on all of them.
Jeff Flake
Recent reports peg Jeff as backing away from a potential run if anything, but power is sexy, and it’s not like he’ll have another job to do. Besides, there’s nothing Jeff Flake loves more than to stand in front of a camera promising to do something about Trump and then getting absolutely humiliated by them. He gets off on it. I say if Kasich goes for it, so does Flake.
Bernie Sanders
Look, all the credit in the world to Bernie for shining a national spotlight on progressive policies and generally moving the Democrat party further left. But if 2020 is going to be a big year for change, a guy older than the Sun is probably not the best standard bearer for that. Also I can’t live through another primary full of Bernie Bros. I just can’t.
Hillary Clinton?
Ok, so this is probably not going to happen, but a surprising number of people seem to want it to. A single poll apparently showed Hillary receiving more support than Beto O’Rourke, which was apparently enough for multiple outlets to talk to people who openly mused about how there’s no reason she couldn’t run. If this happens, I will not be voting – not because I do not believe in the power of the vote – but because I will have renounced my U.S. citizenship and moved to the Moon to live out my days in solitude.
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