By now, you’ve probably already bought presents for your significant other, friends, coworkers, siblings, and parents. But have you got a gift for the most important person in your life? I’m talking about yourself, duh. You hopefully got a nice Christmas bonus, or a relative died, or you came into money in some way, and now you need to spend it. You deserve nice things! So I’ve found a bunch of things to buy yourself that you probably wouldn’t spend the money on normally (because they’re a little, how shall we say, indulgent), but now that it’s the giving season, you totally should. And yes, the term “giving season” applies to yourself. Just file it all under “self-care” and voilà, you’ve just gone on a guilt-free shopping spree.
If you’ve ever wondered how to get a decent workout without having to really even stand up, book a class at Club Pilates (memberships from $79). It’s a reformer-based pilates class that helps you build strength, mobility, and stability. When I took the class, I found the moves really difficult at the time (and honestly couldn’t even complete all the circuits), but I wasn’t sore the next day, which I think I’m going to take as a positive.
Fair warning, Hit House is a “treat yourself” gift for people who are a bit of a masochist and really like to sweat, because a class here (single class $28-35, packages from $165) is going to kick your ass. Literally. It’s a Muay Thai workout with a modern twist, where each participant is given their own punching bag, called a bishop. You’ll learn a combination of punches and kicks (like jabs, uppercuts, and crosses), and put them together in various sequences over the 50-minute class to the tune of current rap and pop hits. I moved muscles I didn’t know I had, I was sweating in places I didn’t think had pores, but I’ve never gotten such a good workout and had so much fun at the same time. This class made me feel like I could win in a fight, even though I’ve never been in a fight.
Last workout on the list, I swear. You know how I said Hit House will make you sweat? Brrrn is the opposite—but you’ll still get in a killer workout. That’s because, unlike basically every other boutique fitness studio in the city, classes at brrrn ($34, packages from $128) are purposely conducted at 45-65 degrees. The idea is that you’ll burn more fat trying to keep your body temperature up, among other things. The fact that you don’t break a sweat is an added bonus, and probably a motivator to work harder than you might otherwise. They’re known for their slide class, where you slide back and forth on a mat as if you’re skiing, but I took the HIT class (a bootcamp style class), which also killed me. I currently write this bedridden, as I am unable to move.
Cardi B wore these false lashes, so I wore these false lashes. Lavaa Lashes has a line of mink lashes ($29), so you can live out your Scheana Shay dreams of saying “I can’t cry, because these lashes are mink.” They also have faux mink lashes for $19, but those are only good for 10-15 wears, while the real sh*t can last from 25-30 wears. I’m not good at math, and was too lazy to actually do the simple division, but I feel like it’s more economical to get the real ones.
For some reason I feel like electric toothbrushes are all the rage now… or maybe that’s just because of the ads I’m constantly seeing in the subway. Either way, Goby electric toothbrushes boast a cleaner mouth and whiter smile than you can get from the run-of-the-mill manual brushes you buy at CVS. Even better, when you buy a Goby brush, you can choose how often you want them to deliver you replacement heads, with options for every month, two months, or three months. Every box comes with a brush with an oscillating head, a stand with a removable base, a USB charging shell and adapter, and a brush head cover in case you ever need to take it anywhere. And they just released a rose gold one for the holidays (and your basic ass).
Speaking of basic bitches, boy, do I have the gift for you. LuMee, the selfie lighting phone case Kim Kardashian swears by, has created a mermaid case and a glitter collection ($69.95). With these cases, you can just broadcast to the world that you love pumpkin spice lattes and wouldn’t miss an episode of The Bachelor, even for your own wedding, while taking the perfect #OOTD pic. They’re perfect for all those mistletoe selfies you’re going to take alone because you have no one to kiss this Christmas. Just me?
Fun fact about me (which you’d know if you follow me on Instagram) is that I’m currently suffering from severe insomnia Just fun girly things! So when I found out about NIGHT pillows, memory foam pillows made from Mulberry silk that are supposed to promote good sleep as well as healthy hair and skin, I was like “okay, I need 10 of these.” But not really 10 because I already have a stressful amount of throw pillows on my bed. ANYWAY, I got a signature NIGHT pillow ($150) that comes with a Trisilk pillowcase. The pillowcase comes in black, which is supposed to block out light and help you produce melatonin (and I need as much as I can get). I also got a travel case ($75) that compresses the NIGHT pillow to ⅕ its size, so I can take this mf-er on Birthright when I go in less than a month and I can be out like a light on the long-ass plane ride without even having to take half a Xan. Somebody should tell Drake about this pillow.
Need a deep clean in just 15 minutes? Head to Skin Laundry for their laser and light facial, which is complimentary for new customers. Yes, it’s free. There’s no catch, no monthly membership you have to sign up for, just a free facial. (If you fall in love with how your skin looks afterwards and want to get it again, it’ll cost you $75.) I’ve gotten laser hair removal before, and the laser portion felt like a much more toned-down version of that. The light portion was like a bunch of warm camera flashes all over my face. It was all very doable, and I was back at work in 15 minutes (minus the time it took to walk there). I’ll be back for a carbon facial ($150) to exfoliate and reduce redness, pigment, inflammation, and bacteria, and hopefully fix my acne. I’m not asking for much here, just a miracle.
Now we’re really getting into the “treat yo’self” portion of this treat yo’self gift guide. CoolSculpting has become the newest trendy way to get rid of fat without going under the knife. Many places offer it; I have a friend who got it done at LaserAway so I can really only speak to that place. Coolsculpting is not cheap—according to CoolSculpting.com, the price of a treatment can range from $2,000-$4,000. One session can take 35-60 minutes, and you may want to get multiple sessions. CoolSculpting works by, predictably, freezing your fat cells to kill them, and once they’re killed your body naturally gets rid of them. Fair warning, it’s not for the faint of heart—you might be sore after your session. My friend who’d gotten it says she had pain and numbness for about a week and a half afterward, but it can last up to two weeks. But she did notice her stomach looking flatter around 3 weeks after, though it can take six weeks for the results to fully show.
I’ve written about the BTL Vanquish ME treatment before, but I’m including it here again because it doesn’t really get more indulgent than this. At NKD NYC in Manhattan, for $55 per session and 4-5 sessions spaced 7-10 days apart, you’ll lie down for 45 minutes with a contraption hovering around your problem areas. You literally watch Netflix while it basically heats up your fat cells. See what I mean about indulgent? Unlike CoolSculpting, there really is no pain or downtime—at the most, I felt slightly warm, but I was comfortable throughout the entire treatment, and afterwards. After two sessions, I lost half an inch around my abdomen, although I’m not sure if my results are permanent since my diet and exercise habits have yo-yo’d a bit. Either way I got good results for the amount of effort I put in, which was literally zero. Diet and exercise can’t say that.
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It’s a couples thing. ???? Enjoy the #Emsculpt treatment together with a double applicator. Get inspired by a Real Housewive of New Jersey stars. ???? #Repost @joeygorga (@get_repost) ・・・ @melissagorga & I getting EmSculpted together @drjeffreywise office. My abs are so sore like I did a crazy intense workout! 1 treatment = 20,000 crunches!! The best part is that we did the treatment together #couplegoals #emsculpt #fitness #drwise