Remember when Kim’s voice was five octaves higher, Kourtney was hooking up with girls in Miami, and you dreamed of working as a DASH Doll? The Kardashian empire has come a long way, and as much as Kris Jenner would deny it, DASH has been outdated for a while now. The boutique used to be this exclusive and trendy brand, but now it’s just an old hobby that Kylie’s older sisters did before they all had nose jobs kids. The sisters just announced that all DASH stores are officially closing, so we thought we’d do one more dive through the website to see some of the weird shit that was being sold. Here are some of the worst things we found.
1. Acrylic DASH keychain
Because everyone wants a giant shiny DASH on their car keys. Subtle.
2. Lace Link Bra
Is it a necklace? A bra? A choker? An S&M toy? Yes to all the above. Also, probably a choking hazard.
3. Wildfox “I’m A Cat” Sweatshirt
Is it just me or is Wildfox getting less and less relatable as time goes on? Regardless, I’d like to find the Kardashian that approved this sweatshirt for the store.
4. ‘In The Kitchen With Kris’ Book
Just when you thought Kris Jenner was milking every ounce of her kids’ talents for fame, she suddenly shows up with her own cookbook and gets it in her daughters’ store. Also, like, *as if* she cooks.
5. FIRE Sabik Top
I think the only thing worse than wearing a bedazzled bandeau is wearing a bedazzled bandeau that says FIRE across your boobs in a weird Old English font. I’m concerned.
6. Shaker Toe Anklet
To commemorate that one episode where Khloé goes to Morocco.
7. Ruby Keyhole Bra
“I’m looking for a confusing and highly uncomfortable white lace bra that literally goes with nothing.”
8. Claudia Sheer Top
I can’t imagine a single time when this top would be appropriate. As if the pine green color isn’t bad enough, this is like, a fancy work top that happens to expose your nipples. Should I call HR?
9. Belmont Button Down Shirt
*Kourtney wears plaid once.*
10. DASH Dolman Long Sleeve Tee
Unless you worked at the store or bought this as a joke, there is no excuse for wearing this in public. I’m done.
Images: DASH (10)
