Don’t Wear Yoga Pants Unless You’re Young And Skinny, Says Irrelevant Man

There are, believe it or not, many reasons to not like yoga pants. Are you a hot Christian mommy blogger? Then you probably blame them for giving men impure thoughts. Are you a lawmaker from Montana, which, is that even a real state? Ban them because they’re indecent. But those erroneous reasons to hate yoga pants are, like, so 2015. The latest in yoga pant hating hotness?

No one wants to see your old, fat butt.

That’s the sentiment of Alan Sorrentino from Barrington, RI. He’s apparently so disgusted by all these old fat thots in workout attire that he decided to write a letter to his local newspaper discouraging their use.

Like the mini-skirt, yoga pants can be adorable on children and young women who have the benefit of nature’s blessing of youth. However, on mature, adult women there is something bizarre and disturbing about the appearance they make in public. Maybe it’s the unforgiving perspective they provide, inappropriate for general consumption, TMI, or the spector of someone coping poorly with their weight or advancing age that makes yoga pants so weird in public.

Basically, this man is not pleased that your old asses aren’t drum-tight the way he’d like them to be. Shockingly, because this is 2016 and women are now slightly less beholden to mens’ dumb, unsolicited opinions, his letter did not have the desired effect. About 300 women slipped on some yoga pants and paraded past his house to voice their displeasure.

The parade organizers actually insist that the protest had nothing to do with Sorrentino, although that doesn’t explain why the parade went past his house, or why he’s (allegedly) received death threats. He claims the whole thing was meant as a joke, and that only a “sick tormented individual” would actually care what women wore.

Sure Jan

The protest ended in a group yoga session, because of course it did.


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