WTF Is Up With All These Fucking Clowns?

There have been a lot of fucking weird trends in 2016: Pokémon Go, the return of the choker, Donald Trump… to name a few. But, by far, the weirdest shit to happen this year (so far) is this weird-ass clown trend. People just dress up as clowns and do stuff and it’s really creepy. That’s basically the trend.

Are the clowns dangerous? Ehhh I mean, they are clowns so they’re probably a menace to society in general, but they haven’t really done anything too terrifying yet. There was a report of a clown chasing a teenage girl in Spokane, but she didn’t get hurt. At least, not physically. If I got chased by a clown I’d probably be scarred for life mentally, though.

Nope octopus

Mostly, the clowns just freak people out. Clowns are inherently freaky; we know that. I’d lose my shit if I was like, coming home from the bar one night and a clown was just standing on the sidewalk holding balloons or something fucked up like that. Sometimes, people report there’s just a scary-ass clown driving in the car next to them. What. How would that not make you lose your shit?

Scared Ferris Bueller

I painstakingly made it through American Horror Story: Freak Show, so let’s just say clowns aren’t my favorite in general. In fact, clowns are probably no one’s favorite. Seriously, how are there still clowns? 

I hope if Donald Trump wins the election that he bans all clowns. 1) That would be his only redeeming piece of legislation and 2) he’d probably do it because he wants to be the king red-haired bozo in this country.

No one really knows where these clowns are coming from. Is there an underground clown college that just failed like ITT Tech so the clowns were forced to re-acclimate to society? Is there a resurgence of juggalos? I’m guessing no. It’s probably a copycat thing where some weirdos did it to be funny and odd and then other people just read about it online and started doing it too.

Whatever the reason, they should probably stop. I live in a western state where people carry like, a lot of guns. It’s all fun and games until you fuck with the wrong dude and now there’s clown blood on someone’s hand. But really, some people really don’t like clowns and these clowns should be more careful.

Fear clowns gif

What’s even more pathetic and weird than an adult person dressing like a clown is the fact a group in Arizona has now organized a “Clown Lives Matter” march.

Are you fucking kiddin gme

OK. First of all, Black Lives Matter is an actual, important movement and it’s pretty fucked up to steal the name for something as ridiculous as this. Secondly, if you’re an actual circus performer and are that offended others have been dressing up like clowns, you probably take your career wayyyy too seriously. You’re a goddamn clown. Literally.

Just, like, for everyone’s sanity. Stop with the clown shit. Thanks. We have enough to worry about. 


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