Last week we brought you our first edition of celebrities dressing badly for Coachella and calling it “festival wear,” and this week we’ll bring you more of the same because man, these people sure can fuck up an outfit. Word to the wise: be better than this.
She almost had it right until you notice that she’s wearing fucking cat ears. Is it Halloween, Paris? No. It’s April. You have six months until this is acceptable and even then, you’re 35, you’re not Ariana Grande (not that she can pull it off either), so calm down.
Enough with the Louis Vuitton do-rag! I’ve literally fucking had it with you. You’re not hardcore unless you live hardcore, alright? Your mansion in Calabasas isn’t hardcore. Not to mention—but I fucking will anyway because you’ve enraged me right down to my fucking core—that you’re trying a little too hard to embody Wednesday Addams.
Brooklyn, Brooklyn, Brooklyn…I wanted to like you so much. You’re definitely too young for me to admit out loud that I think you’re hot, but are you joking with your hair? Your parents are literally the most beautiful people to walk this earth. Stop embarrassing them like this. If you won’t do it for them, do it for literally any other reason. Just stop.
He literally looks so fucking normal with the exception of this random scarf he seemed to throw around his neck for originality. Also, stop vaping. Grow a pair and smoke a blunt like the real G that you won an Oscar for being. It was kind of funny at the SAG Awards, but now it’s just sad. You’re at Coachella, embrace the weirdness.
Here’s hoping that next year everyone figures their shit out and stops dressing like this, because honestly I’ve really had it and it’s mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausting for me to have to make fun of you.