If it were up to us, we’d never have to ever buy a gift for anyone ever again. It’s not that we aren’t generous people, because duh we love philanthropy, it’s just that when it comes to getting someone a gift, there’s a lot of pressure. Gifts are usually as useful as trash bags made of gold, as in, not at all. We’re supposed to spend time to get someone a gift that shows we truly know who they are, and that’s just too much time we don’t want to spend thinking about someone other than ourselves.
You can’t blame us for being bad gift givers, because ever since betchhood, we were carted from one birthday party to another with presents our parents picked out for all the Brittany and Amandas in our class while we enjoyed the bounce house and cake. Plus, when you’re a baby betch, you’re allowed to write out a wish list of what you want other people to buy you, thus making getting gifts much easier for everyone else.
What sucks about getting gifts as an adult is just that we know exactly where gifts end up and it’s pointless to put too much time into getting one. Like, if we want anything we usually just get it for ourselves, so very rarely does someone get us a gift that we like, definitely need and can’t live without. Once in a while we do have to get a gift for someone, like for the person you’ve been dating on your first Christmas or like, for your boss on his kid’s graduation or whatever.
Regardless of the occasion, we basically realized we can’t go wrong by getting someone alcohol. And in the rare occasion that the person you’re getting a gift for doesn’t drink, alcohol is universally appreciated enough that it will be a welcome gesture and totally okay to regift. Basically, everyone knows the act of “nobody cares if a gift is used after it’s given, it’s the moment it’s given that counts.” Plus, everybody gets excited to see a bottle—just ask any baby when it’s hungry.
So, in conclusion, betches suck at getting gifts, but it’s only because we rarely need to spend time thinking about people that aren’t ourselves.