Why Nice People Are The Worst

You can tell a lot about a person based on the first few words people use to describe them. Someone who’s “uh-MAZing” or “the FUCKING SHIT!” for example, is a betch that is clearly well liked and who you def want in your inner circle. Equally important however, are the indicators that suggest the opposite. Primarily the word “nice,” which should be posted in caution tape on everyone it describes. I mean, if you've been reading this site for more than a year you'll know our complete disdain for nice girls. 

If “nice” is a person’s most notable character trait, you can be pretty confident that they bring zero to the table. Not only that, they’re knocking everyone else’s shit off the table while being there, and ruining basically everything. This is because the only reason that anyone is ever described as nice is due to the fact that they lack ANY other redeeming qualities. There is literally nothing else positive to say about them. Calling someone “nice” is a last ditch effort to produce any semblance of a polite reaction. It’s a small step above, “she doesn’t suck THAT bad.”

It’s a shitty euphemism, really, a kinder way of saying that someone is completely basic. And yet somehow I have the feeling that it has never actually brought anyone comfort.

“What’s Jon like? I’m being set up with him for our date party!”

“Umm….he’s nice. He’s reallyyy nice.”

Silence and cascading disappointment. “Great.”

When told someone is nice, it’s safe to assume they’re ugly, boring or a combination of both. And the “nicer” they are, the more reason to be concerned. Adding the word “suuuuuper” before calling a girl “sweet” makes me think that you’re really overcompensating. Is she deaf? In a coma? How “sweet” is this chick??

None of this is to say that “nice” people aren’t actually a pleasant, well-mannered breed. I’m sure most of them are. But just because I know you’re not going to punch me in the face doesn’t mean I think you’re cool.

I’d also like to add that I hate when people get personally offended when I don’t care to hang out with someone that’s “nice.”

“Why don’t we invite Becca to brunch? She’s so nice!”

It’s like, if I hung out with every person that was “nice” I’d have a million fucking friends. Everybody is kind of “nice.” I’m allowed to be more selective than that with my friends because I’m fun and pretty. I was born that way, sorry.


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