An Ode To Moving And How Much It Sucks

If you’ve ever moved before, you know the struggle. Regardless of where you’re moving to and from, the process totally blows. Here’s why, and how you can, like, make moving easier on yourself if you ever have to do it again.

Hunting for a place to live

Before you even think about moving, you have to find a new place to live. This process may take you a day; it could take you a year. It depends on how picky you are, your budget, and other shitty factors like how much stuff you have and who you plan to live with. The search for a new place is not all it’s chalked up to be. In fact, it’s one of the most stressful events an adult has to deal with during their lifetime (second only to divorce, probably). Fun! As difficult as it may be, it’s important to remain positive.

Mantra: If I can live through college, I can do anything.

You have to pack shit

And then unpack it. Packing is a nightmare, particularly when it comes to packing delicate shit like the tiara from your Sweet 16. It requires careful wrapping to ensure a seamless transport from one location to the next. When it comes to packing your clothes, don’t just toss them into the backseat of your car (something my mom ACTUALLY suggested). Do yourself a favor and pack them in duffle bags or suitcases. Those are much easier to haul around than scattered, loose articles of clothing.

Mantra: If I can make it through house hunting, I can do this.

Dealing with people is hard

But it’s a necessary part of the moving process. Remember all of the people on your “dead to me” list? They’ll come in handy when you have to haul a sectional your grandpa’s been keeping in a storage unit for you. As if talking to your “friends” wasn’t enough, setting up utilities, including cable and internet because, duh, you cannot live without it anymore, totally sucks. Big-time cable companies have some of the worst customer service reps around. Brace yourself—horrible service people are coming.

Mantra: “If I can house hunt and pack, I can do this.”

There’s some physical labor involved

If you’re a rich betch, hire a moving company to eliminate this step. If you’re not, get ready for some heavy lifting.

Mantra: “This is a good workout that will help me keep my awesome physique. Oh, and I can do this.”

All of your money disappears

There was probably a time you prided yourself on the $2,000 in your savings account. When you move, it disappears. Poof. Thankfully, spending is a habit any betch excels at, so you’ll be fine.

Mantra: “The money I spent all of that time saving is going to help me move forward with my life.”

Ultimately, anxiety will ensue

It doesn’t matter what causes you to get overwhelmed. Just know that it’s going to happen, and deal with it whatever way you want to. Take a bottle of wine to the face. Order a whole pizza and eat it alone. One day, it’ll all be worth it.

Settling in takes a lot of freaking time. Once you’ve gotten through the mess that is packing up your shit and going to settlement with a huge check in tow, it’s time to settle your ass in. This isn’t going to happen overnight, no matter how much you want it to. Take a lesson in patience, because a house doesn’t become a home instantly.

Mantra: “In time, this will be my kingdom.”

​While all of the prep work sucks, you have to remember you’re moving for a reason

You’re on to bigger and better things.


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