Why Do I Find Myself Constantly Being Some Bro’s Mistress? Dear Betch…

Dear Betches,

Over the past 6 years, three boys that I dated seriously (each for at least a year), following our respective breakups, cheated on another girl with me before going right back to that girl. I realize it's shady on my part, but each time I still had strong feelings, he flat-out denied having a girlfriend or lied about them breaking up, blah blah blah. It's like fucking clockwork. Obviously I'm the common factor here – what am I doing wrong? Is there a sign on my forehead that screams “GULLIBLE STRUMPET” or what?


The Strumpet

Dear Strumpet,
Now, I know that “strumpet” is from Shakespeare and all that, but you really need to stop using that in everyday language. Honestly, it’s weird—maybe that’s part of your problem?

As for your real issue, I’m a bit confused. Were you the mistress during the entirety of these relationships or is it that right after you broke up with these guys they rebounded with someone else and then started hooking up with you again, even though you were “broken up”?

If it’s the latter, then there is a pretty simple fix. If you break up with someone, it probably happened for a reason—either you didn’t want to be with them anymore or they didn’t want to be with you anymore. So if the next guy you bone subsequently breaks up with you, JUST DON’T HOOK UP WITH HIM AGAIN. Looking at your history, if you break up with someone, there has to be a good reason because clearly, they don’t want to get back with you…at least not exclusively. Seriously, please don’t listen to Nike. Just DON’T do it.

If it’s the former, then I think you’re either lying or no one can help you. If you’re with someone for a year and don’t realize that you’re the “other woman”, then look, it’s your own fault. And if you’re lying to us and you do realize that your “BF” is cheating on his real GF with you, then you have two options: 1) Accept that you’re a mistress, and therefore a loser who can't get her own guy or 2) Break up with him and find someone who’s single. I recommend Tinder—apparently you can date celebrities on there now.


The Betches

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