Why Canceling Plans Is Basically Heroin

It’s pretty much universally agreed upon that canceling plans will make your day. If you’re ever having a bad day or just need a pick me up, you should really give it a go because it will change everything.

When you make plans with someone, you’re basically promising them your time in the future. It’s like an IOU but instead of your money it’s yourself. The only problem with that is there’s only one of you. You can invest your money in multiple places at once, like your trust fund, your house, your car, whatevs… but you can’t divide yourself up when it comes to hanging out with people. That’s why making plans is way more of an investment than like, buying a Hermès bag.

And that’s also why it feels fucking good to cancel on someone. We’ve already covered why betches have commitment issues, and when you flake out it’s just because you realized maybe you’d rather not put on pants just to get drinks with your college roommate’s ex-boyfriend because you ran into each other at a Panera a few weeks ago. Like, let’s be honest, if you were going to stay friends you would have by now.

I'd love to hang out

The thing about canceling on other people is that they’re probably just as relieved to hear you don’t want to hang out with them. It just means they can watch another episode of Veep and not spend $12 on a cocktail at an overpriced mixologist bar you both lied about “wanting to try”. So canceling on someone is basically doing philanthropy. I mean, you’re basically handing them money and time, which is also money.


The only time you shouldn’t cancel on someone is if you know they made reservations or have tickets to something, or worse, if they want to reschedule. But all other plans are basically asking for you to cancel, especially if the other person is not someone you usually talk to. And if it’s a bestie, your friendship won’t be hurt just because you both have four extra hours of “me time” on a Tuesday night. It’s actually probably helping if we’re going to be perfectly honest.

The best part about flaking out is you no longer have to get dressed, spend money, or talk to people you don’t want to. And if you get bored with all your time, you can just make a new plan doing something you’d rather do. Betches work best in the moment. Much like fantasy football or recruitment, you can drop your underperforming plans and snap up a better option.

The only excuse you need is “I’m feeling under the weather” and everybody knows that’s code for “sorry, I don’t want to go.” If you were actually sick you’d be more specific.

I can't go out I'm sick

Every once in a while, your fairy godmother looks out for you and somebody else does the canceling. If you’re lucky, this could happen to you. In the meantime, keep those excuses weak and the schedule flaky and you’ll be much happier, trust us.


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