When Do I Tell My Hook Up About My Fake Boobs? Ask a Pro

Happy almost-Memorial Day Weekend betches! We're keeping it light in honor of the start of summer and posting a few short Ask a Pro's everyday this week. Time for the Head Pro to do some spring cleaning on his mailbox. You're welcome. 

Dear Head Pro,

Having got a breast job two years ago, I absolutely love them (and so has pretty much every guy I've hooked up with since then). To be clear, however, I do not regularly flaunt them and am thought of as smart/conservative, definitely not flashy. My question is, how, when, and if to tell the guy I'm hooking up with that they're fake?

Kisses, Betch with boobs

I don’t know why it has to come up at all. If he actually sees them, even if they’re not shitty bolt-ons he’s probably going to figure it out. The only way I could see it being an issue is if a guy has either an extreme aversion to fake boobs, or an obsession with big, natural ones. Otherwise, no one’s going to care.

Dear Head Pro,

I am a tall betch. Like, a really seriously 6'2″ tall. Like every good betch, I love a heel but if I wear them, I'm pretty sure I cross the line from supermodel tall to freaky giant tall (if I haven't already). I know every bro is different but, do you think a taller betch is okay? Are sexy-ass heels worth it if it makes me tower over every bro in the room? I'm sick of flats!

Love, Big British Betch

I’ve talked about this before. If you’re super tall, you may as well own it rather than being all self-conscious and slouchy. That said, if you want to throw on heels, you’re really going to limit the number of guys that will approach. I think that’s a good thing. You either want a guy who’s still at least as tall as you, or one a little shorter but with enough confidence to not give a shit.

Hey Head Pro,

I've been hooking up with this guy for about 2 months. He'll talk to be during the day and I'll sleepover at his house but we haven't been having sex because he is nervous/has performance anxiety. Usually this wouldn't bother me because I do like spending time with him but the thing is that I am graduating soon and we will be off on our separate ways. But he surprised me this week by asking me out to dinner.

What makes things complicated is that recently while drunk I have made out with one of his good friends a couple times. And this friend has messaged me on Facebook saying he doesn't want to get in the middle of anything, but still wants to hangout and asked for my number.

Is it bad if I ditch someone because of sex (or lack thereof) and will this give me an awful rep if I do?


A betch with needs

No, and no. It’s called “shit or get off the pot,” bro. It sucks for him that he has that issue, but it’s not your problem and it doesn’t sound like he’s making any effort to work through it with you. Time to move on.

Dear Head Pro,

After doing the long distance dating the high school sweetheart thing for 2 years I'm now single and ready to mingle with the bros/pros. Not looking for a boyfriend or anything, just casual stuff. I kind of feel like a betch in training again since I have no experience with college hookups and have some questions for you. I was making out with a guy last weekend and he asked me to go back to his place. I didn't take him up on the offer because I'm nervous about a few things. First thing, this is kind of embarrassing, but I'm kind of messy in bed… obviously this wasn't a big deal with a guy I'd been dating for 2 years, but how do guys normally react to this? I'm afraid its going to be a major turn off, but can't really control that. The other question is, if you shack with a guy, what's the proper etiquette for leaving in the morning?


a newly single betch

It really depends on the guy. I did an informal survey of my bros, and the overall response was that squirting isn’t off-putting, but it does catch them off-guard and a lot of guys haven’t experienced it. Some guys go absolutely apeshit for it, so you never know. My advice would be to give a little warning that sometimes you “get REALLY wet down there.” They’ll get the hint and maybe grab a towel. As for the morning after, the proper etiquette for leaving in the morning is to leave, simple as that. Make sure he has your number if you enjoyed yourself.


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