What’s The Deal With Hoes On Instagram? Ask A Pro

Email your questions for Head Pro to heapro@betches.com, and find lots more of his advice in our upcoming book. You can also follow him on Instagram, where he’ll happily indulge your “model” delusions.

Dear Head Pro,

So I have a pretty basic question but I keep analyzing the same situation. I go on a first date with a guy I’ve been texting for about a week, and it goes pretty well. We have easy convo over drinks or dinner etc but then he doesn’t kiss me at the end. Liking the guy, I’ll go on a second date but then it still happens, no kiss. My mindset is always if a guy doesn’t do something he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t kiss me because he doesn’t want to kiss me. So, is this a good mindset or is he nervous? They’re the ones that initiate another date. I’m of course comparing it to the first dates I go on where we’ve had a great makeout sesh, followed by half nakedness on a second. IDK what to think.

No kisses just hugs

Believe it or not, some guys are still (and I’m loathe to use the phrase) “old fashioned.” Not in the sense that they’ll wait to ask you to go steady post-Sadie Hawkins sock hop, but in the sense that nothing really happens before date #3. I mean, I’m kind of like this, I guess. Unless there’s some crazy connection from the start, I’m not expecting much of anything—but that doesn’t mean I’m not having a good time. Second date, sure, maybe, and by the third you should know if you want to touch each other in some places or not. But as Van Wilder so eloquently put it, First dates are interviews.

I think, probably, that’s one legitimate culture shift brought on by online dating and apps and shit—the immediacy of everything. And not in a “kids these days” sense, but in a logical one: If you “meet” instantaneously and arrange a date after talking for a few hours, it can be kind of jarring when things slow to an IRL pace. People are a lot more forthcoming and aggressive online, but hardly any of that translates to the first meeting. People, by their nature, are a lot more reluctant to take risks when there’s actual risk involved.

So I think that instead of treating these dreamy makeout sesh’s as the norm, they’re probably the outliers. Those are cool and good, but most times (whether you met them through an app or otherwise), people need time to get a feel for what they’re getting into. Sure, it’s just a kiss, but you can’t blame a guy for wanting to feel things out before escalating things physically.


Hey Head Pro,

Hope you can help me out… So I’ve been talking to this guy for just a few weeks and we’ve hit it off pretty well, and have hooked up once so far. He seems really sweet but it’s nothing serious yet. So we have added each other on instagram and just last week he posted a random picture of some of him and some frat bros at a Founders Day event, nothing super noteworthy. It came up in my feed and so naturally I looked at it and saw some of the comments on the pic were girls. I, of course, just looked at their profiles because who doesn’t social media stalk exes and new beaus these days?? (If you say you don’t, you’re lying). Two of the comments are random models from out in Cali (we live in TX).

If they were random normal girls that would be one thing and it probably wouldn’t concern me all that much. But the fact that they’re models rubs me the wrong way, also because he is definitely not a 10, and neither am I, really, so it’s a little weird that he’s getting attention from girls like this. So I guess my question is: Is this normal? Like, do random instagram models just follow normal bros so get likes/ followers/ attention? And if thats not a thing that happens, is it something I should be concerned about? Now before you go and start calling me a BSCB because he and I are not even in a relationship, I just want to clarify that it’s not really that I’m jealous, bc this guy and I aren’t even a thing but if we continue on our current trajectory, this is gonna be something that would irk me more and I just want to know early on if this is something I should be concerned about and just run the other way before I get invested in this bro, or if it’s harmless and I can ignore it.

Instanormal girl

So, you acknowledge the ubiquity (and general absurdity) of social media, and then in the same email call into question a fairly common practice? I think the idea that these girls are “models” is what’s getting into your head. For one thing, fuck an Instagram model. No I mean really, try it—the insecurity makes the sex so much better. But also, it’s a meaningless title. Technically, if most of your pictures are of you, you’re an Instagram model. It doesn’t make them special, it makes them thirsty af.

You also don’t know these girls. You say they’re “random models” from California. What if they aren’t random? What if they’re sister-in-laws or cousins or childhood friends of his? You live in Texas right now, for school, but maybe he’s from Cali. And maybe he’s not—If he lives in Texas and they’re in California, would you feel confident trying to justify your annoyance?

I think it’s pretty normal to bristle any time you see another girl with her paws all over the guy you like. But I think you also have to accept that there’s a solid chance that these girls are just trying to build and cultivate a social media presence that will someday land them a tasteful nude photoshoot with Terry Richardson. If you’re curious, just ask. If you say “wow, that girl’s really pretty, how do you know her?”, most guys will take the compliment by association and let you know what’s up.

Email your questions for Head Pro to heapro@betches.com, and find lots more of his advice in our upcoming book. You can also follow him on Instagram, where he’ll happily indulge your “model” delusions.


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