Dear Head Pro,
Pressing question: Just read that you said “15 minutes is a lengthy bang sesh” in one of your responses. To me that sounds super short/ whenever I have sex with a guy though usually in a semi monogamous relationship aka in the range of “have been hooking up consistently” to “are a thing” it lasts pretty long. This may be in part due to having drunk sex/ sleeping with guys that are late twenties (older=more experience) but maybe I just suck? Bottom line is fucking for hours abnormal if its the first time/a casual thing?
Ah, more of this. It took me a while to actually figure out what the question was (I may have been a tad intoxicated when I first read it), but now I get it means is a long fuck sesh weird if it’s not something you do with this person often?
This is one of those “yes, no, maybe” type answers. I mean, it’s abnormal in the sense that I think they say the average duration for intercourse (not counting any foreplay stuff) is something like seven minutes. That doesn’t make it abnormal in a bad way, though, just statistically. As far as how the newness of the experience factors into it (being a one-hitter/casual deal), that goes either way. While you would assume that the lack of experience would make it more likely for the guy to finish faster, the accompanying awkwardness could confound that by making things go less smoothly.
Bottom line? If the stranger you’re fucking for the first time has the stamina of a porn star, chances are it’s because he’s very, very drunk. Also, when you’re drunk (or just generally more focused on sex than the clock), it’s pretty easy to lose track of time. It’s possible that you’re not sure how long you’re actually fucking for.
More importantly, stop assuming you “suck” at sex if the guy lasts longer than you’d think he should. I mean, fuck, men spend their entire adult lives doing everything in their power to last as long as possible, because we could all get off in like 90 seconds if we really tried. When a guy hits the jackpot and is actually semi in control of his orgasm, that’s good for both of you. The only way to really “suck” at sex is to either a) go out of your way to make it uncomfortable, or b) actively mock or feign disinterest in what we’re doing when there’s nothing wrong with it. Otherwise, as long as we have a hole to fuck and a partner who’s also into it, we’re fine. It might not be a tryst we’d write about on our MySpace pages (people still have those, right?), but we wouldn’t turn down a second helping.
I’m a freshman in college and have started hooking up with a senior boy. We met at his fraternities tailgate, he got my number, and we started texting for a few weeks. I met up with him again at the next football game (which happened to be my birthday), we left the game early, went back to his apartment, and hooked up. After I left, I went out that night to celebrate my birthday and then proceeded to go to his apartment at 3 am to sleep over. more hooking up occurred and at one point our condom ended up breaking. He was really cool about it and the next morning he took me out to breakfast, and bought plan B (romantic i know).
He’s been texting me every day since saying he wants to hangout and complimenting me left and right but a part of me is skeptical because of our age difference. I’m sure it’s typical for a senior frat boy to use the freshman girl for sex because we’re young and naive and all that but i feel like something is different about him. he’s always asking me how my day is and taking me out to get food and stuff. i genuinely have started to grow feeling for him and want to keep spending time with him but I’m nervous. Should i just go with the flow and risk getting screwed over? Or should i nip it in the bud before my feelings grow any stronger?
Dear Confused Freshman,
Eh, while it’s always smart to look out for #1 and protect yourself from unnecessary harm, sometimes you can go too far. Like this case for instance. Let’s take away his age difference (after all he’s only 22, not 30) – do that, and you’re describing more or less every college relationship ever. The only difference is that you know that by the end of the year, he’ll be gone for good and you’ll have three more ahead of you. Otherwise, it’s almost as though you’re looking for an excuse to torpedo this because that would somehow be preferable with having to deal with something ending.
You can have both, you know. Like, if all you ever do is get involved right up to the point where it feels semi-real and then bolt, you’re not going to learn much. You’re not going to be equipped with the experience to know when the real deal comes along, someone worth holding onto. Unfortunately, only loss and hurt can teach you that. Keep it up too long, keep finding reasons to shy away from people, and eventually it will become a hard habit to break.
I’m also not saying to fall madly in love with him and start dating him exclusively. Not only would that set you up for too much heartache too soon, but you’re also a freshman and you’d miss out on a ton of fun, new experiences. If you’re at a place where you really enjoy being with him, why not keep it there for now? Spend time with him, but don’t spend ALL of your time with him. Have plenty of friends and activities outside of the relationship. Let other guys pursue you, but don’t necessarily use that as an obvious tool to make the one you like jealous. If he continues to show that he’s legit as the school year goes on, then you can start to give him a little bit more.
More importantly, while this is really the kind of thing you can only acknowledge in retrospect, try to keep in mind that you’re going to change more in this first semester than you have in the past 4-5 years. By Christmas, hell, you might be the one who’s tired of him.
Send me your toughest questions about life and love to email@example.com.