What Your Dating App Bio Says About You

What you put in your dating profile says a lot about you. Your bio line is basically the first thing your future husband is ever going to learn about you. That means whatever you write about yourself is what you hope will be the first thing the person you spend the rest of your life with is going to know about you. Obvs you’re not going to write a paragraph but even one cliché Mark Twain quote is enough to translate into an idea of who you are. So here’s a quick and easy translation guide to what it really means when your bio says certain things.

Bio: “I’m adventurous and looking for an adventure partner”
Translation: I’m expensive. Take me to new places and buy me new things often. I don’t like it when things stay the same.

Bio: “Work hard, play hard”
Translation: I do a lot of drugs. But I also went to an Ivy League so… Look, I’m going to be blacked out a lot. In fact, if we matched on Tinder it was probably because I right-swiped you while blacked out. Whatever, I deserve it.

Bio: “Go [insert sports team here]!”
Translation: I need to be in a long term relationship. I like this sports team because my ex boyfriend liked it. I will watch sports with you and cheer on your favorite team with you. I’m committed to a relationship the way I’m committed to liking this team even when they’re not doing well. And if you like this team that means you’ll commit to me too.

Bio: “I’m sapiosexual” or “I’m attracted to intelligence”
Translation: I’m attracted to assholes. It’s not your intelligence I’m attracted to, it’s your overblown sense of confidence. You think you’re really smart, so I think you are too. You’re probably not that smart, but you’re confident and I’m just a dumb girl so I need you around to explain things to me (at least that’s what I want you to think).

Bio: “Fitness for life.”
Translation: No fatties please.

Bio: “Hopeless romantic”
Translation: I’m clingy and needy AF. By romantic I mean if we don’t die in each other’s arms it’s not true love. My standards are so unrealistic that you’ll never be able to live up to them and you’re going to think I want too much. Because I do.

Bio: Lyrics to a rap song
Translation: I like Drake. I have no personality. Most of my contacts are club promoters.

Bio: I love life and live it to the fullest
Translation: My friends are more important than any relationship I’ll ever have. They’re probably not going to like you because nobody’s good enough for them.


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