I can’t even decide what to order at brunch without consulting my horoscope, let alone make serious important life decisions like choosing between iced coffee or a matcha latte (I’m a gemini and am naturally indecisive). Astrology and betchiness go together like rosé and my perpetually intoxicated liver—so like… always. I mean, you wouldn’t buy a skirt without asking your horoscope first if it looks good on you, right? Here’s what’s going down in your divinations this weekend, and how to manifest your betchy destiny in style. Don’t worry, second half of the horoscope, we’ll get to you tomorrow. Or like, eventually.
Aries is ruled by Mars, the mythological god of war. So basically, you’re a badass betch and aggressive af. You love attention and it shows in your bold, risk-taking style. This weekend, Mercury’s about to connect to Uranus 18-degrees Aries. This basically means you might catch the interest of someone unexpected. Pour out some shots, put on something fire, and get after it with your betches because it’s about to be a crazy good weekend. With a T by Alexander Wang criss cross back bodysuit, Anine Bing leather biker pants and Missguided platform lace up heels, this outfit’s as savage as you are.
Taurus is ruled by Venus, the goddess of love. One of the betchiest signs like ever, Taurus loves the finer things in life: long naps, designer shit, and copious amounts of expensive champagne. You’ll be eager to pop bottles this weekend since you’ve had such a weird week, but make sure to drink in the good times with your betches, Taurus, not drink your sorrows away. Pluto has formed a 90-degree angle to Mercury, meaning some shady shit is going on in your life right now, probably in the form of that sketchy bro you’ve been trying to pull a fast one over you. Black out on classy champagne in this Misha Collection Oriana playsuit and Schutz Cadey Lee heels.
Gemini betches are social butterflies and always looking for a good time. This hectic week has you running frantically from one thing to the next, and by the weekend you’ll be ready to let loose. Gemini’s juggle two often conflicting personalities, and your edgier side is dying to come out. Channel your baddest self with this all-black ensemble feat. a Clayton Emelia jumpsuit and Tony Bianco Karim heels.
This weekend, the moon’s stuck in Aquarius, your privacy sector. Basically, you’ll be craving the comforts of home. Cancer betches love staying in, but they also love being the hostest with the mostest. Get the best of both worlds by having all your betches over for hors d’oeuvres and fancy cocktails. You can snuggle, talk shit, and be way more comfortable than you ever would in a bar in this and literally whatever tf else you want.
Leo betches are spoiled, glamorous, and love the spotlight. When Uranus connects with Mercury at 18 degrees Aries, you’ll be feeling hella spontaneous. You’re a natural leader and probably the queen betch of your squad, so round up the minions and get out of town (ideally somewhere warm) for a girl’s weekend. You’ve been in an optimistic mood all week, and it’s time to turn that sunny disposition into reality. This attention-grabbing look—Siempre Golden Trestles Swimsuit, Jetset Diaries Island Time tunic and Loeffler Randall Harper wedge espadrilles—will turn heads in the streets or on the beach.
Virgo betches are ruled by Mercury, god of the mind. You’re constantly keeping your mind occupied, whether it be school, work, or overanalyzing some bro’s text messages. If you don’t get out of your own head and into the world, you’ll drive yourself crazy. This is the perfect weekend to go out, since Mercury is in your 8th house of seduction. Slay, Virgo! It’s time to work what ya mama gave ya. Do that in this For Love & Lemons Gianna crop top, FRAME Le Color rip skinny jeans, and Schutz SU2C x Revolve Kija Heel.
Libra betches are ruled by Venus, goddess of beauty and all things fabulous, so they basically eat, sleep, and breathe betchiness. You’re probably having dramatic week, since Pluto’s in Capricorn and your fourth house, aka some real emotional shit is going down. This weekend is a great opportunity to blow off some steam—perhaps while wearing a Norma Kamali Kamalikulture Shirred waist dress and Schutz Latonya heels, but that’s just a suggestion. In true Libra fashion, you’re probably craving dinner and drinks at some bougie restaurant before hitting up an even more bougie club. Ball out, Libra. You deserve this shit.
The moon is spending the whole weekend in Jupiter, your domestic sector. You’ve had a super busy week and you’re craving a night in, so its probably best to black out in the comfort of your own home. Grab a few of your best friends, a pizza, like eight bottles of wine, and these adorable PJs—Wildfox Blah Blah Up all Night cami set and/or Homebodii Eloise cami & french knicker—so you can get turnt on your couch in style.
Sag betches are ruled by Jupiter, a planet that’s all about happiness and confidence. You’re a free-spirit and one popular betch! Round up your army of betches because starting Thursday, Mercury joins Uranus at 18-degrees Aries, meaning some spontaneous adventures are in store. You’ve had a stressful week trying to balance work and your personal life, so this weekend should be all about having fun and reconnecting with the people you love. This versatile outfit, with a Stone_Cold_Fox Powell blouse, whatever tf pants you want, and Matisse Caty boots, is perfect for whatever spontaneous night you have in store.
Capricorns are ruled by Saturn, a planet of wisdom. You’re the smartest betch around and an old soul, probably the practical betch dishing out a dose reality to all your hot mess friends. TBH you’ve having a shitty week; Mercury and Pluto are in Capricorn, meaning some buried emotions and internal conflicts have invaded your usually calm and happy outlook. This weekend, surround yourself with your best betches and count on a good time out with your girls to get you through whatever’s had you down this week. This Glamorous lace up bodysuit paired with some jeans, shorts, or a bandage skirt and Kendall & Kylie’s Ginny heel, unleashes the spontaneous side you’ve been trying to keep in check all week-time to let your inner bad betch out.
Aquarius betches are trendsetters. Your ruling planet is Uranus, a planet of individualism and your original sense of style sets you apart from the crowd. This weekend, you’re itching to try something new and open your mind to new possibilities. Try out a new bar or check out a new band in an outfit that’s as groovy as you are.
Pisces betches love to party. There’s an element of escapism to you that makes you a true weekend warrior and always up for anything. You’ve been super busy with work this week, and you’re already ready to chug a vodka soda (or five). This FriYay, it’s go hard or go home. Do both of those things in a Beautiful People open shoulder pullover top and pencil skirt and Nasty Gal Strap Minded Lace-Up Heel.