Social media is like putting on makeup on but for your entire life—it’s not exactly lying but it’s definitely not the full truth. Have you seen what wonders highlighter can do to your face? Gramming your date night with a #bae hashtag does to your image what Diorshow mascara does to your lashes. Aka it makes everyone jealous but behind the perfection there’s definitely something missing. So as a public service to you, here’s what’s actually going on whenever you see your friends post about their relationships. If you see your friends post one of these types of relationship posts, they’re on the rocks. Consider this the #NoMakeup of relationship posts. You’re welcome. Please note, this is 100% accurate even though I totally just made it up.
She Posts A Picture Of Him From The Back Or Side Angle
Your friend posts a picture of the guy she’s dating from some angle other than the front. It’s artistic and sweet, like a Renoir painting. They’re probably at the beach or in the mountains or somewhere that looks romantic AF. Don’t be fooled by this post. This means that one of them is clearly more into the other. And obvs it’s the one that’s taking the picture. Have you ever seen Kanye West take a picture of his audience? No. It’s always pictures of him onstage. Plus, it’s no coincidence that they’re in the middle of nowhere—they prob only hang out without other people around because he’s not even sure if he wants to be seen with her. The sweet romantic getaway you think is happening is really just him hiding her from his actual friends. Sorry, but this is more of a sidepiece announcement than a wedding announcement.
They Both Post The Same Photo At The Same Time On Date Night
They both write some gushing post about how they’re hanging out at a concert/dinner/party and basically have the exact same photo up at the same time. This doesn’t mean they’re so in love that they just happen to think alike. If they were really into each other they would forget to post the photo until later, or not even take a photo at all because they’re so busy getting lost in each other’s eyes. This post means your friends are either 1) narcissists (probably) or 2) hate each other but love the image of being together. They’ve probably been on the rocks for a while, but they’re one of those couples that everyone loves, so they have to maintain their image.
She Posts One Of Those Pics Where He’s Holding Her Up In The Air Like In ‘Dirty Dancing’
This might look like the sweetest moment in history, but when was the last time you casually had someone pick you up in the middle of a sunset and there happened to be someone snapping a picture of the moment? The more elaborate the post, the worse the relationship is. It’s just like seeing someone with too much makeup on, you know they can’t be covering up a beautiful flawless face under all that foundation. They probably have a terrible sex life, and she’s probably considering doing anal just to get him to stop talking to Bianca from work. This post is definitely so Bianca from work knows to back the fuck off, also to tell the world that she gives better head than Bianca so please leave her man alone, thanks.
She Posts A Screenshot Of A Convo They’re Having
Nothing ever good comes from posting a screenshot of a convo. If she’s posting a screenshot of something sweet he said to show the world how he he just “gets her”, she probably hasn’t seen him in days and is trying to lure him out of hiding. Like, why would you post a screenshot of a conversation when you could be having actual conversation? He’s probably cheating on her, and she probably knows it.
Picture From Vacation Standing On A Beach With A Sunset In The Background
She wants him to move in with him but he can’t commit. She’s hoping the vacation will remind him how much fun she is to live with 24/7. Unfortunately he hasn’t come around yet, so now she’s posting a picture of them on a beach, which is almost like moving in together, except instead of saving money they’re both spending too much money so they don’t have to be sober around each other on this vacation that’s already feeling way too long.
She Posts Long Text Status About How Great He Is
Uh oh, this means that she’s about to tell you they broke up. You must intervene before she posts an underwear pic, or worse, gets bangs. A long public status about how great their relationship is always code for “help, I’m trying to save our relationship”. If she really felt all those nice things about him, she would just tell him directly. Can you imagine proposing via Facebook instead of directly in person? Yeah, exactly. Point is, these two are not going to last. Better get ready for a rebound girls night out.
