What Does It Mean If My Boyfriend Dumped Me To Find Himself? Dear Betch…

Dear Betches,

I was just broken up with. After a year of dating (with barely any dates) and 3 years of friendship, this man wants to go on a break. Why you might ask? To find himself.  (What the fuck??) Yeah. Trust me this is what I've been asking myself for the past week (post breakup). Betch, what does it mean for a guy to go find himself?

This is the guy who loved me, wanted to marry me, and wanted to not lose contact with me, yet this is now my ex. 

How the hell do I go about this? He's trying to talk to me and hang while we are broken up. Obviously someone didn't get the memo of what a “breakup” is. That just doesn't happen. You don't break up with me and then 7 days later come hang out with hopes of watching a movie.  I'm sorry. It's been 7 days since you dumped me..may I ask? In those 7 days, did you find yourself? I'm curious.

How do I move on? I'm feeling a new pair of stilettos and a tan, but in reality, what are my limits/boundaries/expectations.


Confused AF

Dear Confuse-cius (haha, aren't I hilarious?),

I can’t read minds (I’m not bulimic), but from what you’ve told me it sounds like the level of commitment really sunk in for this guy and scared the shit out of him, so he bounced. But what do I know, I'm not the Bro Whisperer. Tbh tho, does it really matter why he broke up with you? Does it change the fact that he did it? Answer to both of these is an obvious no, so don’t waste your time and energy beating yourself up about it.

As for if you should go over for “movie nights,” hell to the no. A good rule of thumb is: don’t talk to your ex as long as thinking about him still brings back positive feelings. Eventually you’ll get to a point with your ex when you think about him and you’re like, “LOL, that guy? Gross. Why did I even do that to myself?” At that point it is acceptable to send the occasional Facebook message. If you try to lie to yourself (“No it’s totally cool I’m not hurt let’s be friends cause I don’t wanna lose you”) (barf) your feelings will end up fucking you over. That’s just the way it is. For more details see the Ex-BF Life Cycle.

As for how to move on: sure, do some retail therapy and get a tan, why the fuck not. I also recommend not listening to any music with any sort of emotional qualities whatsoever. At least, that’s why I listen solely to rap.

Put down the Ben & Jerry’s right now,

The Betches


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