1. That’s classy… – I did the same thing last Friday, but since someone else is doing it I’m definitely judging.
2. Sorry, I just saw your text! – I saw this text 5 hours ago but didn’t give enough of a shit to respond.
3. It was on sale. – My dad ended up buying it for me, so it was basically free.
4. I loveeee my job. – I’m on Facebook all day and occasionally pretend to do shit on Excel.
5. Like, I don’t even care. – I care SOOO much.
6. No, I promise. I won’t tell anyone! – I’m texting all of my friends about this the minute we’re done with this conversation.
7. I’m just not really a beer fan. – Umm, do you know how many calories are in that Bud Light? No fucking thanks.
8. Your hair has such a natural ombre. – You really need to fix your roots.
9. It’s not that expensive. – It’s not that expensive when your dad pays for your apartment.
10. Being in a sorority taught me valuable life lessons. – I learned how to deal with bitches.
11. Sorry, I was just texting my mom. – I was totally just talking shit about you via text.
12. I’m not really feeling well. I think I’m going to stay in tonight. – I’m definitely going out… just not with you.
13. I’ll be ready in 5! – I’ll be ready in a half hour.
14. I’m on my way! – I’m just getting out of the shower.
15. Ok, see you at 7! – Don’t expect to see me until, like, at least 7:45.
16. OMG. We HAVE TO get coffee and catch up – I hope I never see you again.
17. Ugghhh…I just haven’t had any time lately. – I’ve been procrastinating all week, and was hungover all day Sunday.
18. I can’t, I have a doctor’s appointment this afternoon – I’m taking the afternoon off to nap.
19. I’m really in to Politics – I watched the Colbert Report last night.
20. I’m sooo in to snowboarding. – I went to Vail once.