Besides the whole “congrats you’re not pregnant” thing, periods fucking suck. They’re messy, they make you fat, they make you cry, and if that wasn’t enough, they hurt like a bitch. There have been times when it legit felt like Mike Tyson was having a goddamn heyday on my ovaries. But now, there’s a new way to kill cramps other than shitloads of Advil. Weed! Before you get too excited, I’m not talking about getting high AF until you just feel nothing (even though that would probs work). I’m talking about weed tampons. They exist now. What a time to be alive.
Apparently marijuana has always helped with period pain, but the
stoners scientists at Foria created these magical tampons so the chemicals are closer your lady bits and therefore work better. Fucking genius. But like everything good in this world, some things aren’t so great. For one, they’re only available in California ad Colorado. Ugh. The struggles of being an East Coast betch. Second, they’re 44 bucks for a four pack. Holy shit. That’s like $150 a cycle. Do I look like Donald Trump to you? Jesus Christ I hope not, or I have a MUCH bigger problem than cramps. And last, the little fuckers don’t even get you high.
Are kidding me? I get the whole point is to ease the pain and all, but have you ever heard of multitasking? Seems like an opportunity missed. But I’m still trying them anyway because why the fuck not?