We Asked A Guy What First Date Mistakes Women Make

Hi, I’m a guy, that perpetually frustrating creature you’re trying to date. And I’ve got a public service announcement on behalf of the male gender. Has your love life become a soul-sucking slog through an endless ocean of fuckboys and creepers? Have you scanned every post on /r/relationships but still can’t figure out why you’re dating game isn’t on point? Are you bored at work and looking for any excuse not to do another damn thing? Me too, friend. Me too. But I’ll shut up now and get to the point. I was asked to share my incredibly unique and in-short-supply male opinion on first date mistakes women are making without realizing. It’s time to take a good hard look at your life.

1. Always The One Planning The First Date

I know it’s the 2018 and we’re living in the glorious gender equality age of Beyoncé, but at the end of the day, the guy should plan the first date. Now I’m not saying you shouldn’t be a part of the decision making process. Let him know what you like, when you’re free, how much you love Tequila Tuesdays, etc. But if you’ve made it clear that you’re interested and meeting up with him still feels like trying to get a cat to walk on a leash, stop. Leave him in the litterbox where he belongs, and move on.

2. Only Talking About Yourself

It’s a date, not an interview for your cover issue of Vogue. How are you going to find out if I’m a serial killer or the love of your life by never asking me a single question? I know it might be surprising, but guys like talking about themselves too. Talking about yourself is like popping a pimple: it’s kind of gross, you’re not sure what’ll come out, but once you get going it feels pretty nice. Just throw me a couple questions. It’s only fair if we both get the chance to pretend we’re interesting.

Selfish

3. Drinking Too Little

Now I’m not saying you gotta be Kanye at the 2009 VMAs, but if you’re having a good time and the guy asks if you want a second drink, take a chance. Or a shot. Get out of your head, and see where it goes. Don’t cut the date short because you’re worried he’ll think you’re a hot mess if you have an extra vodka soda. Remember brunch last Sunday? I don’t either. But it was fun AF and so are you. Don’t be afraid to show it.

4. Dressing Too Casually

It was the world’s longest day, and all you want to do is kick off those wedges, throw on some Soffe shorts, crawl into bed, and eat a lifetime supply of Halo Top. I get it. But you’ve got a date. And dates have a dress code. I’m glad Kappa formal was the best night of your life, but I shouldn’t find that out by reading your sweatshirt. Nobody wants to be on a date with someone who looks like they just left a sleepover. Yes, this advice is superficial, but what part of life isn’t? Dress up. Blow some minds. But don’t overthink it.

Amy Poehler

5. Bringing A Friend

I can’t believe I actually have to say this, but don’t bring a friend. Don’t. Even if he says it’s okay. It’s not. It’s bizarre, it’s confusing, and now some poor bastard is breaking his back attempting the Olympic level of mental gymnastics you’ve dumped in his lap. “But the Wi-Fi was out at our apartment, so she couldn’t binge watch the first season of West World! It would be a crime against humanity if I left her alone!” It’s intimidating enough trying to charm one woman, let alone two. If you’re that concerned about your roommate, leave her a book and a bottle of wine. She’ll be just fine. “Okay, but what if he’s a sketchy rando? There’s, like, safety in numbers.” If you trust the guy so little that you’re bringing your own body guard, maybe he should be on a watch list instead of your match list.

Images: Giphy (2)

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