Is It Normal To Want To Be Single Sometimes When You’re In a Long-Term Relationship? Dear Betch…

Dear Betch,

I’m really struggling here and I need someone to tell me it straight since my friends and my gut are all giving me mixed opinions.  My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half and I love him, he’s my best friend and he treats me like a princess, this is both of ours first serious relationship.  He’s tall, rich, good looking, I love his mom and again he treats me beyond well.  He does get a little jealous/possessive sometimes and he can be clingy.  He doesn’t really have a lot of his own friends which I feel like is because he’s always spending time with me.  And my best friends tell me a lot that they don’t see me as much since we’ve been together (I would rather not end up being the UGH of the group).

And lately I’ve been going out and casually flirting with guys when he’s not there and even giving some my number.  I felt a little guilty about giving them my number because he doesn’t deserve that but in the moment I didn’t feel bad about it or hesitate to do so.  My boyfriend is a great guy but I’m feeling like I love him but I’m not in love with him, if that makes sense.  But when were together I don’t have these doubts, I’m not sure if this is because we're best friends and I’m so comfortable with him or because I am genuinely in love with him.

I get being attracted to other people happens in relationships but lately I’ve been thinking about what it would be like to be single.  I tried to have a conversation with him that I feel like were missing passion/spark and he didn’t really feel that way but said we would try to spice things up, but no efforts have been made. 

Basically, I’m wondering if I’m staying with him just because I’m comfortable or if this is normal for being in a long term relationship. I’m a senior in college and he’s a junior I might end up being in a different city after graduation so if I’m having doubts, would it make sense to end things and really go nuts my last year of college?


Mad confused betch

Dear Mad Confused,

LOL that you think you're the first person to love someone, but not be IN LOVE with them. Thank you for that hearty laugh. Anyway, the fact that you're asking a complete stranger whether or not you love your bf is pretty telling tbh. Like if you were sure you wouldn't have spent a whole paragraph convincing me your bf is great. But that's none of my business tho.

It's normal in a relationship to be attracted to other people. That's relatively harmless. As is casually flirting with strangers every once in a while just to make sure you still got it. What's not all that harmless? Giving out your number to guys like it's candy on Halloween. How have you been keeping that up, btw? What happens when these guys text you? Also has your bf ever seen one of the “Hey this is Jake from Saturday night” (Statefarm) texts, and if so how has that played out?

Anyway, onto the part where I tell you what to do. First off, if you're going to stay in this relationship, stop giving out your number, K? Second, it sounds like you need some time apart from the bf. Whether that be just “a break” or a full-on breakup is up to you, but like, from what you've told me shit doesn't look too promising for you two.

IDK tho (so you can never say I ruined your life),

The Betches

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