The gay guys are long gone but hoping you can help out a homo in need. I recently broke up with my bf of 2 yrs and started hooking up w a super hot guy who is, physically, my ideal type. Smart-ish, fun etc too. We’ve been hanging out for a few months (dates, parties, events, etc), I think he is pretty into me, and vice versa. Maybe a month ago when we were hooking up he asked if he could fuck me, and I said no I only fuck guys once we are exclusive and he has to get tested for STDs first. (I know, I know, but buttsex / playing catcher is a diff ballgame.) I also said I’m game to fuck him, but he declined due to my dick size, which is honestly pretty big – I’ve had similar issues w that in the past. Since then I can sense that we have cooled off – still hang out & hook up once a week or so, but the chemistry isnt the same. I have tried to get creative in bed, & also dropped a few “I cant wait to fuck you’s” mid-hook up, but they have been met with crickets, whereas he before he was constantly telling me how much he was dying to fuck me.
Based on the above alone I would normally conclude that hes over me or just not into a relationship right now; sucks, but whatever it happens. Its confusing though b/c he keeps doing nice stuff- initiates contact, insists on taking me out before either of us will be out of town (both travel for work), wants to have low key cheap dates when hes not up for going out hard, etc. He didn’t take me out for my birthday though (I took him out for his) which I thought was weird, although he has given a lot of non-reciprocated presents, so I cant tell if I am a dick getting payback or just making excuses b/c I am admittedly too into him since he makes my dick so hard.
I have 2 legit, perfect-on-paper backburner bros, each of whom took me out for my b-day. It sucks though b/c while they are both objectively hot I dont have super hot chemistry w either. (Drunkenly hooked up with each once or twice.) So I feel like even though I want to invest in my non-relationship, I should become unavailable and develop one of the hot nice guys who I am inexplicably into less than the non-BF.
Thats my working plan. But I dont want to do it. Am I totally fucking crazy?
Homo without a hole
Dear new best friend,
Are you free for brunch next weekend? Good because I’ve already picked a place.
K, first off, don’t apologize for having standards. Telling a guy straight off the bat that you won’t fuck him (or let him fuck you, whatever the correct terminology is here) until they can prove their dick is clean is like, a good thing (why do I even need to be saying this?). Like, imagine if everyone did that? What’s that John Lennon song? Imagine all the people, living AIDS-free…? Something like that.
It’s also not bad or un-betchy to be upfront about your relationship desires before you have sex. No sex before monogamy–Patti Stanger would be so proud. If every girl could be honest with themselves like that…well, nobody would be writing into Dear Betch, so uh, maybe for the sake of my job everyone should keep lying to themselves and being delusional.
Seems like the situation boils down to this: he won’t let you fuck him because your dick’s too big, you won’t let him fuck you because he won’t put a ring and STD test on it. Correct? I feel like you’re kind of at an impasse here unless something changes, and since I don’t think dick shrinking is a technology that exist yet, he’s hoping you’ll change your standards. He’s continuing to hook up with you and take you on a few semi-dates in the hopes that you’ll let up on the whole monogamy/STD test (and then insist you’re “never like this” afterwards, right? Lol). Note that he doesn’t seem to be really putting in effort that indicates he’s headed toward exclusivity—cheap dates, only staying in with you when he doesn’t want to go out—but he’ll do the minimum amount of work so that you don’t lose interest completely. My advice (shocker) is to cut him loose. Like, you already know he isn’t into you enough to be exclusive, and if you do give it up after all this you’re basically just giving him a carte blanche to act like a total SAB. Don’t invest in this guy. He doesn’t seem worth your time, money, gift ideas, etc.
Props on having not one, but two BBB‘s who took you out for your birthday, but I think the real problem here is that you want a relationship so badly you think you can groom a guy you’re admittedly not even that into, into your next BF. That’s not the point of the BBB. You have the BBB so you can go out, meet people, hopefully find someone you like, but if that doesn’t work out you’ll still have someone to fall back on and don’t have to be celibate until the next person comes around. I won’t judge you for keeping them around for the nice dinners and shit, but you don’t have to make it into something it’s not. I know it’s cuffing season and all, but relax.
See you next Sunday,
Got a fucked up question only The Betches will understand? Email us at email@example.com and you just might get a response.