Is It About The Pasta? An Investigation

Even if you don’t watch Vanderpump Rules, you’ve probably heard about/seen the iconic “it’s not about the pasta” moment in Monday’s episode. Long story short(ish), here’s what prompted this moment of award-worthy television: 1) Lala made a joke about eating James’ girlfriend’s pasta; 2) James got pissed and tore into Lala’s relationship with “the fat man” (drunk-James code for Lala’s somewhat controversial boyfriend); 3) Lala stormed out and James attempted to drunkenly “apologize” while suffering a small stroke by yelling over and over that it was not, in fact, about the pasta. But, since 99% of what the VPR cast says is an outright lie (and I have a hard time believing that Lala’s eaten a single carb in the past decade), I’ve set out to answer the burning question of our generation the past 72 hours—was it about the pasta, or nah?? Here’s what I found out.

It’s At Least A Little About The Pasta

Since the episode aired, James has backed way off his original stance, tweeting the following on Tuesday: “When I say ‘it’s not about the pasta’ it was about actually pasta and the fact lala stuffed her face with all my girls food without remorse is the reason I got piss in the first place k.”

This tweet is troubling for two reasons: it carries on VPR’s recent trend of getting way too involved with what other people are eating, and it proves that James is physically incapable of picking a side. However, if we take him at his word here, it does make a certain amount of sense that James would be enough of a possessive weirdo to take offense on his girlfriend’s behalf here. Remember when he defended Kristen flying in that girl from Miami? He goes pretty nuts if it seems like his girlfriend has been wronged. So in the sense that it started this massive fight, yeah, it might be about the pasta.

“Pasta” Might Be A Code Word For Cocaine

BUT—in a fun twist, the word pasta might not actually refer to pasta. Many people have now claimed that pasta is the cast code word for cocaine,  which would support my carb-free Lala theory. TBH, anyone who’s seen an episode of VPR would be unlikely to question the idea that they probably do a fair amount of coke, though Ariana in particularly seems hell-bent on dispelling the “pasta as cocaine” theory. She’s tweeted about it three times since Monday’s episode, asserting that “there is a word for blow and pasta ain’t it,” then “The. Scene. Isn’t. About. Blow. Why does no one listen to me when I give the answers,” and finally “My tweet legit says pasta isn’t a code word tho?”

So first of all, Ariana doth protest way too much for someone who had no involvement in the original story, and these tweets seem like little more than her way of announcing to the world that she’s super cool and definitely does all the drugs. In fact, my new theory upon reading these tweets is that the rest of the VPR cast does use “pasta” as a code word, but told Ariana something different because she’s too annoying to do drugs with. (Though Kristen denies “pasta” is a code word too.)

PastaGate Has Ruined James and Lala’s Friendship

Whether it was about the pasta or not, this fight has had a lasting effect this tiny, formidable, wannabe ghetto duo (Lala and James, to be clear). On January 22, Lala took to Twitter saying she’s “sadly mourning the loss of [their] friendship,” and that “rewatching” and “reliving it” has made it too painful to continue her friendship with James.

James tweeted an hour later, saying in a since-deleted tweet that he “woke up today totally blindsided by Lala telling me she is distancing herself from me,” taking the time to shit on Kristen and Katie and how Lala “pretends like she’s best friends” with them and take further shots at Lala with his signoff of “maybe we can talk just the 2 of us instead of blasting me on twitter :/.”

So, while it may have seemed like James and Lala were headed for reconciliation as the season continues, it seems like the airing of this footage just undid any of James’ apology texts since. To be fair, he said a lot of shit that would be embarrassing for millions of people to hear about your relationship, and he’s now admitted himself that he said those things because she took Raquel’s pasta. And even though Lala was a little annoying/bitchy when making the pasta comment (and whether it’s pasta or “pasta”), no one deserves to have a whiskey-ed up James screaming in their face like that, and I fully support her in taking a little time away from the white Kanye West.

So: Is it about the pasta? As far as sparking a fight and exposing James’ rage issues, def. But for the lasting effects of this fight, meh—in the words of Mr. Kennedy, IT’S NOT ABOUT THE PASTA.

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