Back in the early 2000s, Uggs were about the hottest piece of clothing you could own. Juicy Couture velour tracksuits might have had ’em beat, but Uggs were a close second. Shit, I had like four pairs. You would have thought I was fucking Balto or something, spending my life trekking through blizzards, but nah, I’m from Georgia. My friends and I would whip out those toasty little fuckers the second it got below 50 degrees. We didn’t give a shit that our feet were on fire. We looked cool AF. Or at least we thought we did.
Despite the fact that they feel like walking on clouds, Uggs are pretty fucking ugly. They’re not on the level of Birkenstocks or like, Chacos or anything, but they’re up there. But don’t fret. Ugg is officially discontinuing the Classic, which, if you’re like me and don’t know wtf that means, it’s just the standard camel ones, and replacing them with something called Classic 2.0. Real original. Get these folks a patent, STAT.
At first, I was pumped. I don’t need Uggs because it’s always hot AF down here, but it got me a little nostalgic. Took me back to a time before jobs and bills and fuckboys. Then I kept reading and realized they’re not changing the way they look at all, which is stupid. Their appearance is literally the #1 thing that needs to be changed! Every girl who was alive in the early 2000’s now wishes they hadn’t spent their entire adolescence looking like an eskimo that got lost in an American high school. That sounds like a Disney Channel movie.
I mean, I guess it’s not all bad. The new ones are apparently water and stain resistant so they won’t get fucked up the second you wear them in, ya know, the type of weather where it looks slightly normal to be in sheepskin boots. Which will probably save you the extra step of having to spray them all over with that water resistant shit. And the tread is thicker so you won’t slip as much. But they’re still ugly so who will be wearing them in public anyway? Couldn’t they have killed two birds with one stone, and made them better quality and prettier? Or maybe I’m just too damn logical for my own good.