You can come out now, it’s safe. The most revolting couple of the moment, maybe, possibly, hopefully, dreamily is calling it quits.
Yes, that’s right multiple outlets are reporting that Kylie Jenner and Tyga have ended it for good. Which is bad news for Kylie, who spent the past couple years treating her face and body like a Mrs. Potato Head — just pulling and placing pieces off as she pleased — but great news for us who never have to hear a lyric like, “They say she young, I should’ve waited / She a big girl, dog, when she stimulated.” Barf.
Kylie reportedly ended the relationship after she caught the rapper Facetiming with a stripper. What?? Unbelievable, you’re telling me the man behind such masterpieces as “Bubble Butt,” “Bouncin’ On My Dick,” “Make It Nasty,” and has a joint record with stand-up dude Chris Brown would ever engage in this type of behavior?? LOLZ.
Sources out of Tyga’s camp say that the breakup comes after “pressure from the Kardashians,” which leaves us with only one question, where the fuck was this pressure when your underage daughter/sister was dating a 25-year-old rapper? Regardless, we can take peace in the old saying: don’t be mad it happened, just be happy it’s over.