In today’s installment of hating on Kylie Jenner, I just learned that the
professional thirst trap lipstick mogul got a Maybach for her 19th birthday. That’s right, Tyga gave Kylie a Maybach for her 19th birthday. Wait, why does this feel familiar? Didn’t he give her a Ferrari for her 18th birthday? And didn’t she like, promptly crash it into a tree or something? You would think he would have learned from his girlfriend’s mistakes, but then again, Tyga’s not exactly known for being a Rhodes Scholar.
Personally, I’m just very curious how Tyga has all this money to keep buying Kylie luxury sportscars. I did some very serious research and his last album came out in 2013. Two-thousand-fucking-thirteen. To put that into perspective, in 2013 everybody had an iPhone 5, Miley Cyrus did the twerk seen round the world, and we all thought the Harlem Shake was a good idea. In other words, 2013 was a long fucking time ago. How is this dude still making Maybach money off an album that came out 3 years ago?
Also according to Heavy.com, Tyga’s worth a cool $2 million. Again, I would like to ask: HOW?! Does he make money for appearing on Keeping Up With The Kardashians? Is Kris giving him hush money so that he doesn’t reveal whatever publicity scheme she’s got in the works? This just isn’t adding up. But if Tyga is worth $2 million, I think I’m more than justified in asking for a small raise from my employer.
Also this is just your casual regular reminder that Kylie Jenner is still a teenager, and she is still way hotter than you can ever hope to be. Maybe she’s born with it. Maybe it’s silicone.