Twitter, everyone’s second-favorite place to share their Instagram posts, is trying to right a sinking ship. they recently installed founder Jack Dorsey as their CEO, who promptly laid off 8% of the company. He then announced he was donating a third of his stock in the company to an employee pool, which is kind of like Sony announcing that they’re donating their remaining inventory of discmans to disadvantaged siamese cats for all the good it does.
In their latest, useless attempt at improvement, Twitter is pulling the tech equivalent of “I saw Cady Heron wearing army pants and flip flops, so I bought army pants and flip flops.” They’re swapping out the star icon used to “favorite” a tweet and replacing it with a heart, which now means you “like” a tweet. From their blog:
“We are changing our star icon for favorites to a heart and we’ll be calling them likes. We want to make Twitter easier and more rewarding to use, and we know that at times the star could be confusing, especially to newcomers. You might like a lot of things, but not everything can be your favorite.
The heart, in contrast, is a universal symbol that resonates across languages, cultures, and time zones. The heart is more expressive, enabling you to convey a range of emotions and easily connect with people.”
That is some soft-ass bullshit. I’m not trying to “connect with people” when I favorite a tweet — I’m trying to implicitly tell someone that their tweet is alright, but not alright enough that I want other people to see that I like it. Besides, that’s faulty logic. I can have all kinds of favorites — my favorite beers, my favorite sports bloopers gifs, my favorite Vine of two guys dressed as Spider Man slapping each other’s asses, etc. A heart, on the other hand, is a symbol of love. Is it morally conscionable for twitter to suggest that I can “love” multiple tweets equally? I think not.
Here’s the new heart animation, frame by frame pic.twitter.com/CigVBVguUw
— Christopher Ingraham (@_cingraham) November 3, 2015
Twitter is already stupidly easy to use, so easy that it’s a wasteland of racist garbage and stolen jokes. If twitter wants to figure out a way to make money, they need to make their product actually do what it was designed for. There’s no point in a brand or person tweeting when they can expect to reach maybe 1% of their followers.
I don’t know how to make twitter not suck, but I know that some fucking weak-ass hearts isn’t the answer. Hopefully this is something Donald Trump will address when he Makes America Great Again.