254. Trust Issues

Does this sound familiar? You’re seeing someone new and you tell your friends, “I really like this guy and he’s really nice to me, what’s wrong with him?” Like most betches, you have trust issues. It’s not your fault you’re always clouded with doubt and suspicion—I mean, if people were more trustworthy you’d totally trust them.

When it comes to relationships, even in the happiest moments you wonder if your S.O. is hiding something from you. There was a time when you were innocent and trusting, like in your mother’s womb maybe, but you basically learned from watching The OC and Gossip Girl that nobody is to be trusted.

Similar to saying “that gives me anxiety”, the phrase “I have trust issues” is an explanation you casually toss to people to justify why you think the worst of every situation. If a bro you’re dating thinks it’s excessive that you cross-checked his Instagram with his Facebook location to make sure he really was out of town on a work trip, he can blame your freshman year boyfriend Chad and not you. Literally it’s everyone who’s ever burned you before’s fault that you can’t trust humans anymore.

Most relationships you’re in are not going to work out. Literally, all but one (at best). So having trust issues just means you’re on top of your shit. I mean, if you’ve ever read a horoscope and then had that horoscope not come true, you know that most people are full of bullshit. Are Blair Waldorf and Chuck Bass meant to be together? Yeah, probably, but should they trust each other? Definitely not. Case in point. Sure, you know that soap operas aren’t real, but Laguna Beach and Vanderpump Rules are. Sort of. And real life current events like Cosby and every politician’s sex scandal are not helping your trust issues, either.

Having trust issues is a great way to blame all your paranoid behavior on other people. It’s also a great way to get out of saying “I love you” or meeting his parents because you can just be like, “I can’t meet your mom because I have trust issues. Like what if she tries to break us up because you’re her only son and I’ll never be good enough for her?” It’s also applicable to mundane things like, “I don’t want to give you my Netflix password, I have trust issues.” When a guy is being really sweet to you, you can’t help but wonder, what did he do to fuck up? Not all guys are lying to you, but you’d rather suspect the worst than be naïve. 

As long as you’re not digging through jeans pockets on a daily basis, you can live with your trust issues. Your suspicions of the person you’re in a relationship with just remind them not to fuck up, and if they do, you can basically be like, “yup, I knew it.” It’s fool proof. It doesn’t mean you won’t date because tbh you don’t always trust yourself either. It’s a lot like how D.A.R.E. taught us that drugs would kill you like on impact, and then you found out that wasn’t true. So now you don’t trust drugs or the people who tell you not to do drugs, and none of it matters so you just do whatever you want.

If Cruel Intentions and She’s All That taught us anything, it’s that everything’s a bet and you can’t trust anyone. Just remember that and you’ll be fine.


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