We Should Give Guns To Dogs: Your Real World News Roundup

In today’s biggest non-story, religious folks are FUCKING PISSED that Starbucks’ red cups this year don’t feature any Christmas iconography, even though a) they never really have and b) it’s a fucking coffee cup. One of the guys who helped made the story go viral is this gentleman, who “pranks” Starbucks by making them write “Merry Christmas” on his cups (as though you can call it a “prank” after you’ve given them your money). He also makes a point of carrying a gun into the store because… I have no fucking clue.


Starbucks REMOVED CHRISTMAS from their cups because they hate Jesus … SO I PRANKED THEM … and they HATE IT!!!! #shareUse #MERRYCHRISTMASSTARBUCKSFollow –> Joshua Feuerstein

Posted by Joshua Feuerstein on Thursday, November 5, 2015

People who want to bring guns into restaurants are a lot like the people who like to bring their dogs to restaurants. Both groups are vocal about their “cause,” relatively few people are actually qualified to own either accessory and honestly I don’t want either thing near me when I’m eating or drinking. The solution is simple: Any place that allows dogs should also be required to allow guns. In fact, you shouldn’t be able to enter an establishment with one if you don’t have the other. Even better, let’s just give the guns to the dogs – the problem will resolve itself. I see no flaw in this plan.

Here’s the rest of the shit going on in the news today:

Russia’s Been Forcing Their Athletes to Dope (New York Times)
Huh, so you’re telling me a shady foreign power is acting like the Cold War never ended? Color me surprised!

Lots of Shit is Happening at the University of Missouri (Deadspin)
Racism, hunger strikes and protests, oh my!

A Startup is Building ‘Dorms’ for Grownups (The Atlantic)
Relive the magic of never, ever having 20 minutes to yourself to rub one out.

UVA Frat Sues Rolling Stone Over That Bogus Rape Story (Reuters)
I’m still astounded that on a college campus, the reporter managed to find the one girl lying about rape.

Obama Started A Personal Facebook Page (New York Times)
No one cares what you had for lunch, Barry.

Trump’s SNL Episode Was ‘UUUUGE, but Critics Hated it (Washington Post)
It was a little painful to watch, tbh.

SeaWorld is Getting rid of Their Killer Whale Shows (Time)
I’m sorry but we have the internet now and you can see videos of whales doing way cooler shit in the wild.

Some Packers Fans Brought a Banner to the Panthers Game, So Cam Newton Stole it (Fay Observer)


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