Good morning, our president is an asshole. While this is certainly not breaking news, the fact that he referred to some developing nations as “shithole countries,” is making headlines. Yes, you heard that right. The leader of our nation, the man who represents us in the world, used the term “shithole” to describe places where people
aren’t white are living in poverty. I will give you a second to lose your ever-loving shit.
Okay, great. Now that we’ve reached our breaking points, let go over the deets. On Thursday, the president met with senators and House members to discuss a bipartisan deal on immigration, and because Trump apparently has some sort of deal with the devil where he has to say at least one horribly offensive thing a day or he’ll die, he dropped this gem: “Why do we want all these people from ‘shithole countries’ coming here?”
Trump was referring to places like places like El Salvador, Haiti and Africa, while discussing a plan to cut the number of people entering the US through its visa lottery program. It’s truly unbelievable that the man who has been caught on tape talking about grabbing pussies, and who has referred to all Mexican as “rapists” has somehow found a new low. But alas, here we are. Very unhappy to be here.
Nobody worry, because the White House responded in the most respectable way and immediately apologized on behalf of the unruly child they have been put in charge of babysitting. Just kidding. Obviously, the White House doubled down on Trump’s disgusting racism and went as far to say that his comments were like, totes fine. A White House official told CNN:
“The President’s ‘shithole’ remark is being received much differently inside of the White House than it is outside of it. Though this might enrage Washington, staffers predict the comment will resonate with his base, much like his attacks on NFL players who kneel during the National Anthem did not alienate it.”
No. Nope. Oh, no, you did not.
CNN: Do you have anything to say for yourselves?
The White House: Lol, nah it’s chill because Trump’s fans are racist AF and tbh they will probs dig it.
Obviously, in true fuckery fashion, Trump has taken to twitter this morning to deny everything. He tweeted, “The language used by me at the DACA meeting was tough, but this was not the language used.”
Seeing as the White House’s response did not deny any of the remarks made by Trump, this claim, much like every ep of Pretty Little Liars, has some serious holes. Do these people even talk to each other? Have they never staged a high stakes lie before? Come on, you guys. If you tell your mom you’re sleeping at Jessica’s, you better fucking text Jessica and tell her the deal so you both have your stories straight. Then again, IDK why I would ever expect any sort of competency coming from the White House. They’re only in charge of literally everything.
Anyway, now everyones hates use even more. Incred. Leaders all over the world are calling out Trump for being a racist garbage clown, and TBH we are with them. Former Mexican Prez and avid Trump hater Vicente Fox came in hot with these choice words:
To cleanse your palet, I will leave you with the words of an actual national leader, Cher from Clueless. Her iconic speech about Haiti says it all. Clearly Trump has never seen Clueless and that is his greatest crime, TBH. If he had seen it, he obvs would have just stolen this speech. That’s how he and his fam roll. *cough Melania cough*
Without further ado:
“So, OK, like right now, for example, the Haitians need to come to America. But some people are all, “What about the strain on our resources?” But it’s like when I had this garden party for my father’s birthday, right? I said RSVP because it was a sit-down dinner. But people came that, like, did not RSVP. So I was, like, totally buggin’. I had to haul ass to the kitchen, redistribute the food, squish in extra place settings, but, by the end of the day it was, like, the more the merrier! And so, if the government could just get to the kitchen, rearrange some things, we could certainly party with the Haitians. And in conclusion, may I please remind you that it does not say “RSVP” on the Statue of Liberty. Thank you very much.”
That’s all for now. Until the next time I am called on to report about the most heinous shit that has ever come out of Trump’s crusty mouth hole (so like, tomorrow), I will be in the woods looking for Hilary Clinton so I can cry into her shoulder pads. Bye!
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